Celebrate

"My days of whining and complaining about others have come to an end. Nothing is easier than fault finding. All it will do is discolor my personality so that none will want to associate with me. That was my old life. No more."
- Og Mandino

This was the daily quote I received this morning and it got me thinking. We are often told to stop judging others, to be patient and see the positive.

What if we took that advice for ourselves? What if we didn't judge our selves but rather were patient and saw the positive?

Yes, we need to recognize when we make a mistake and learn from that. However, objectively viewing a situation and repeating a mantra of “how stupid” or “I never get that right”, “I can’t stick to anything” or “I make the worst choices” are 2 very different things.

We only learn to walk by falling down. We only learn to talk by making some very strange noises. So if you sound silly or if you are falling down a lot then I say “Good for you” because you are growing. So give yourself some advice for doing it better next time, then give yourself a pat on the back.

Today I am choosing to take my latest "failure" and have a celebration for myself because I learned a lot, I stayed strong and kept on moving forward - and that deserves a little chocolate!

Growing

The book I am reading quoted Einstein as saying "No problem can be solved by the same consciousness that caused it."

I've heard that quote before, but today it really made me think. And I liked the conclusions.

I decided that:

1. all the time I spend reading is time well spent
2. it's okay if I can't come up with the solution right now - I just need to learn a little more
3. asking for help is a good idea - a different mind will have a different perspective

So I guess I can cut myself a little slack for some of the "problems" I don't see a solution to. And it's great to get affirmation that the time I spend "studying"/reading & listening, is truly time well spent. I can just tell my husband I am solving all our problems!

Fallen off the Resolution Wagon?

Okay, it's 3 weeks into January and the buzz is shifting. The month started out with "I'm going to..." and "This year will be great because..." and 3 weeks later it's all gone. No buzz, no possitive attitude, no hope. What happened?

New Year's Resolution Let Down. The time in January when you realize that those grandiose plans are really ludicrous and you'd rather have a hot fudge sundae in January than think about what you'll look like in a bathing suit in June.

So the grandiose schemes don't generally work, what other choice do you have? Come on, you know my answer to that - you always have a choice.

What if you chose to set goals differently? What if you chose to add one small, good habit to your life? What if you take baby steps toward your goal?

There are other ways to get to your destination. If you are standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon, and you want to hike the floor, do you think you could find an alternative to jumping off the edge? You could probably find a nice trail to take you to the bottom. It might take longer, but it will certainly be less painful.

Try looking at your resolutions that way. Go ahead and choose your big goal - just don't insist on arriving in the next 2 minutes. Find some baby steps to take to get there. Things that won't hurt you but will lead you in the direction of your dreams.

Choose a goal - take a step - You CAN do it!

Be a Positive Spin Doctor

I have been pondering an idea for a while. The idea is that you can choose the way you feel. I've been keeping an eye on my thoughts and have been intriqued with the results. Taking it another step I tried a little experiment this morning and would like to share it with you.

I read that laughing changes our body chemistry. That's right, it actually changes our physical makeup. And whether or not I laugh is up to me so I decided to laugh. Try it out for yourself. Try it right now. Just laugh for 10 second. You can do it – go ahead. Now, how does that feel?

If you don’t know how that felt then try a little experiment. Think of something very sad for just 10 seconds. How do you feel? Now think of something fun and happy and laugh for just 10 seconds. How do you feel?

You chose to feel that way. I know, they’re feelings and they just come and go. But what made the feelings come? Your thoughts. And you chose your thoughts. You chose to think of something sad. And you chose to think of something happy. Therefore, you chose your feelings.

So what would your life be like if you chose to think happy, fun, empowering, inspirational thoughts? Could you enjoy your life more? Could you be happier and experience more joy? Try it for a week, even for a day, and see what happens. Whenever you realize you are feeling a negative emotion check your thoughts. Chances are your thoughts are angry, frustrated, sad or disempowering. So choose another thought, one that is positive. Think of something happy, fun, inspirational or empowering. Then choose another positive thought. Now how do you feel? I bet you feel better than you did a few moments ago.

What would your life be like if you made it a habit to have positive thoughts? I’m not talking about sticking your head in the sand or ignoring circumstances. Rather I am talking about choosing your viewpoint.

I recently read a book which talked about Anne Frank while she was in hiding with her family. In this fictional account Anne was having a conversation with someone who saw only the cramped living quarters and lack of food – negative thoughts which made him feel sad. However, Anne saw thing differently. She was grateful they had a hiding place that could fit 8 people. She saw how generous and wonderful for Miep was to share food rations. Anne felt happy.

Same circumstances but different thoughts created different feelings about it.
So go give it a try. Choose the positive viewpoint and see how your life changes.

A Caterpillar in a Jar

I was reading this little book my husband gave me years ago. It's one of those little 3"x3" fun books and it's called "Really important stuff my kids have taught me". It's full of little comments, or words, that just remind us that life is simple and we should enjoy it.

I read one this morning that says, "Even if you make a really nice place for it to live, with grass and dirt and a few rocks and sticks, the caterpillar will still spend all its time trying to get out of the jar."

That one really struck a cord in me. Have you ever been that caterpillar? Have you ever found yourself in a situation that you know is wonderful, but you'd do anything to get out?

I found myself there a few years ago. I had a very nice life, everything I had ever expected it to be, and I found myself so frustrated I could scream. I didn't know what was wrong, there wasn't any one thing I could point to and say that thing was a problem. I couldn't even say my life was a problem. I was just frustrated.

As so often happens, a book kept popping up in my face. So I read it, actually I devoured it. And when I was done I knew what was wrong - I was a caterpillar in a jar. (Okay, I didn't say caterpillar because I didn't have that analogy until this morning. Same feeling though.)

I was living a very nice life, with some nice leaves and twigs around me, but that wasn't where I was meant to live.

I made a choice right there. I chose to devise an escape plan. I chose a new goal for my life, picked a path and began walking down it. It's been twisty and curvy as I learned my way around, but I am out of the jar - and it gave me room to turn into the butterfly I was meant to be. And that gives me joy.

What butterfly were you meant to be? Are you on your way, or are you living in a jar?

Time to Quit

Wow - what a day! One of those days where working at home is probably not the best thing for my businesses. Had to go vote this am , the kids needed help, had a meeting with my husband, etc, etc. Finally, at 11:15 I start "working".

I know I worked because there I was, sitting at my computer, doing stuff. The only problem is that by 4:00 the only thing I had accomplished was getting completely frustrated and totally confused.

Around this time my family all came home and all I can think of is "Great - now I'm going to have to work the whole evening". More annoyance, more frustration.

My husband was asking about my day, being supportive, and I heard these words come out of my mouth, "I had a bad day at work." That's when it hit me. I had a bad day at work. Now it's time to make a choice. I can "stay at work" and try to be productive when I'm frustrated and haven't accomplished anything in the last 5 hours, or I can "go home".

I chose to go home - spend the evening with my family and accomplish something personally. By the time I had made dinner I had the chance to catch up on my kids day and I felt much better.

I know that tomorrow will be a much better day because I am choosing to leave the frustration behind and to create some balance in my day.

Choosing to Take Care of Yourself First

Take care of yourself first. It’s a phrase that’s bantered around a lot in our American culture. It is often related to something decadent and makes me think of selfish things. But today I came to think of that phrase a little differently.

I had a very busy day, and am actually in a very busy time with my businesses. I’ve been working hard and have had to pull out a few of my better time management techniques to keep my life in any semblance of balance ,and to make sure I get to spend time with my family. I feel really good about what’s happening all around so I hadn’t noticed the stress sneak up on me. My husband, however, did notice it since it all got directed at him today.

After he very quietly rescinded his invitation to play cards, and I realized I felt relief, I knew I was out of whack. So I decided to take some time out for myself. In spite of the fact that I had been locked up in my office all day, not even coming down for lunch, I decided to leave my family and go take a relaxing soak in the tub. I got my bath salts, my candle and a little Chicken Soup book and headed for the tub.

While I was baking myself I focused on my feelings and my stress, faced it and let it all go. In 30 minutes I was out in the land of the living and had turned into someone my family would actually like to be around again. What I realized is that taking care of yourself first gives you the ability to take care of someone else. I was trying to take care of my husband by spending time with him and I am quite certain he didn’t feel very good about it. What I really needed was a little down time, some time to think and to release. Now I am at peace and I can actually take care of someone else.

Maybe choosing to take care of yourself first isn’t so selfish or decadent after all.

Tis the Season

It's that time of year. When you hear that what do you think of? Do you see holiday parties, good times with friends and family? Hot chocolate, egg nog and presents? Or do you see to do lists, packed stores and a lot of people with a raging case of the grumpies?

I used to think of December as the most stressed out time of the year. It was a month long marathon with the finish line being Christmas Eve at 3:00 when I had to walk out the door for the first family Christmas party.

Over the last several years I put a lot of thought into ways to take the stress out of Christmas and put the joy back in. Do I live a stress free, totally joyous season? Not entirely. But I do enjoy the month of December. I get to spend some great time with my kids and my husband, I spend little time in the mall, and I do get a good night sleep (most nights). Most important, it's been several years since I exploded in the middle of December.

There are a lot of things that contribute to my enjoyment of the season and I'd like to share 1 key idea with you today.

Letting go.

Letting go of my ego
The house does not have to be immaculate and dust free.
Kid decorated is beautiful no matter where the decorations end up.
Neat, clean, happy kids are more important than being dressed in the perfect holiday outfit.
Gifts that I enjoyed buying make better presents than ones that stress me out to no end (and for those people who are impossible to shop for I take a pleasant shopping trip and include a gift receipt for them).

Letting go of other people's expectations
This is a key time to determine what is important to you and then spend your time there. For me that meant not attending a couple family parties with my extended family and my extended-extended family (you know how those Polish families are) so I could relax and enjoy time with my husband and kids and our immediate families.

Letting go of the schedule
As much as I like to schedule, this time of year is much more fun when I am flexible. I just put a 1/2 day worth of items on my schedule then use the rest of the time to do items on my running to do list or to do whatever has popped up, whether it is working on Christmas presents, completing a project for work or building a snowman.

Letting go of the stress
When I feel stressed I sit down, make a quick to do list then take a second look to see what I am expecting of myself. Usually it is too much so I cross off a few things - the things I choose to let go. When it becomes doable, and I even see the possibility of enjoying my activities again, then I know I'm done and I can go do some of the items on the list.

This Christmas season I wish for you the ability to let go. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

The Lesson of Cribbage

I don't know if you've ever played cribbage but it's a card game based on points which you track by moving pegs on a board.

My husband and I play it frequently as a nice way to pass the evening, spending some time together and chatting.

Well a typical hand has maybe 4 or 6 points, a nice hand 8-10 and a good hand 12 - 16. Once in a while you do a happy dance cuz you have a 20 point hand. The dealer gets a second hand to get extra points and you get to "peg" points while you are playing your hand. In a typical hand in our house you would peg from 1 - 3 points.

What's all this building up to? Well, my husband and I were playing cribbage one night and I felt like I'd been scraping by all night. Not terrible cards, kind of average but nothing easy. Every hand was a mental wrestling match to figure out how to get a decent number of points.

My husband led virtually the whole game, and by a rather substantial amount. We were down to what was probably the last hand and I needed 24 points to win. Now, I was not enjoying this game anymore and I could have just conceeded and put myself out of my misery, but I chose to play it out.

It turns out he did win the game - by ONE point. (Okay all you cribbage players are clamoring that he counted first so technically it was by 24 points). Even though he got to the finish first I decided to count my points. I had pegged my way through about 9 points and wanted to see if I could have made it - and I had 23 paints total.

I know I didn't win, and I would have been short one point even if I would have gotten to count. But I felt good. I was still in the game, right on the heels of the winner. I didn't have any amazing victories or incredible hands. Just a series of ordinary, everyday hands which add up to something pretty good. And I learned some wonderful lessons:

• Lots of little ordinary occurences can add up to something pretty nice.
• Never, ever quit
• It's about what you have and how you feel about it
• Don't compare yourself to others