Choosing to let it go

I had an interesting experience recently. My husband was working around the house, being productive but looking like a caged tiger. After almost 18 years of marriage I've learned to recognize this restlessness as meaning he needs to get out of the house and either get outdoors or just go someplace with a little less estrogen (he's cooped up here a lot with a wife and 2 daughters - sometimes a guy just needs to be around guys).

Being the omniscient wife and knowing what he needs I ask him what he feels like doing and it turns out that he wants to go to the beer garden. So I drop him off with the very loose plan that he'll probably walk home but he'll call if he gets tired of walking and wants a ride.

I took the girls up to the pool to swim and tried calling him on our way home to see if he wants a ride. He doesn't answer the cell phone so I try again. I'm 0 for 2 on getting an answer so I just let it go.

The girls and I go home and I realize there isn't any dinner cuz my cook is at out with the guys. Hmmm... Okay, girls aren't hungry but I am so I make something and start eating. After getting a bite to eat we wanted to go for a bike ride, but what if hubby needs a ride? Well, 3/4 of the way through my meal he calls for a ride...and I'm annoyed. The embarassing truth is that in the past I would probably have let myself stew in the annoyance, even dredged out everything he's ever done that bothered me and chewed it over. By the end of the evening I would have just been plain old angry. Now, in my enlightened state:) I realize I have a choice. Choice #1 is to figure out why I'm really upset. I ask myself what could be bothering me and then run through each possibility. For each statement I just plain ask myself if he really did anything wrong and does that really bother me.

It turns out that the reason I was annoyed is that I was trapping myself in the house. Since we didn't have a firm plan I didn't want to go bike riding in case he decided to call for a ride. Hmmm... He didn't ask me to wait. He didn't answer his phone when I called. Maybe I can give myself permission to do something I want to do. And maybe I can choose to let go of the irritation.

Where's Your White Space?

I was working on a web page yesterday and looking at the white space, making sure to balance things and guide people's eye around the page so the page is simple, friendly, and fun to look at. Today I'm thinking about our lives and how white space plays out in them.

When your life is frantic and you're running from one activity to the next, you don't have any white space. When your days are full from the time your eyes open until you collapse into bed at night, you don't have any white space. When you see something beautiful and instead of stopping you immediately move faster, you don't have any white space.

What is white space? In print or in art it is the space between items on a page. It is the blank space where nothing is happening. So it seems it would be the same in our lives, it is the space between tasks, pauses in conversation, holes in our calendars. It is the moment when you stop to look at the stars or smell a flower. It is the time when you curl up in a chair and just stare out the window. It's the time where you really breathe, relax, and appreciate.

And we need white space in order to appreciate everything else going on in our lives. We need to pause in the middle of everything, if even for a second, to enjoy what we're doing.

Pondering No pain no gain

I've been thinking about the phrase 'no pain no gain'. I thought I was a person who didn't subscribe to this theory. I thought that I lived my life from a certain comfort zone, at least when it came to physical activity.

I've been married for 17 years and I've watched my husband live those words. Whether he's running, hiking or learning, he is a bit of an 'all or nothing kind' of guy and he pushes himself until it is painful. I've watched him train for all kinds of running races and many times he came home obviously in pain. As he started training for ultra marathons his long runs actually required recovery days. He's run 50 mile trail races where he lost half the skin on the bottom of his feet.

That makes no sense to me, and I don't get any satisfaction out of being in pain, or being incapacitated. But this weekend, at the beach, I found myself pushing it. I found myself taking an extra trip up the sand dunes, walking just a little further or a little faster - and it hit me - I do believe in 'no pain no gain'. I just don't like to push myself to extreme physical limits. But I do enjoy a good solid walk. I enjoy being worn out after a day of hiking or biking. I don't want to be in physical pain, but I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment in knowing I did push it a bit. I enjoy a simple 'tired'.

Well, that's "pain" too. It's just low on the scale. If we're using the standard 1-10 scale, my husband like to push it out to 8 or even 10 periodically (something about pushing the limits and testing himself). I enjoy pushing it to 2 or 3 periodically - a discomfort, something to let me know my muscles got a workout, but nothing horrible or incapacitating.

As I looked around at our lives I realized that this philosophy applies to all aspects of our lives. When we make a phone call that scares us, that is pain. When we learn how to do something new, that can be pain. When we sacrifice the time we would spend doing something we love to market our new business or learn a new software program, that is pain. Every time we move out of our comfort zone, face a fear or make a sacrifice, it is pain.

In order to do something incredible, new and different with our lives, we must push through personal comfort zones, face fears, sacrifice activities or comforts to achieve our goals. When we do this we often push through to 7, 8, or 9 on the scale. Others times we aren't ready for that kind of discomfort so either we do nothing and our lives stay the same, or we push ourselves to 2 or 3 on the scale and make some smaller changes.

And whatever we choose is great as long as it works for us. If you are happy with smaller changes happening in your life then you can stick with a smaller scale of activity, sacrifices and breaking through comfort zones and fears. But if you want big changes, it's time to consider pushing yourself to the high end of the scale for a while so you can reap the rewards.

Baptism in fire

"The firefighters motto is service.

Their values are courage, caring, community , knowledge and physical fitness.
Many are cross-trined to be emergency medical technicians.

They are organized like soldiers, but their war is not against people. Their enemies are fire, destruction, disaster, and human suffereing. As in combat, they eat together, sleep together, train together, and brave danger together. As in combat, they must be able to rely on one another when things go wrong. And, as in combat, they must be able to handle injury and death - to themelvs and others. When they speak of "batism of fire," they're not using metaphor.

Off duty, they play together and socialize together. They hold contests and competitions, combining work skills and fun. They have their awards and commendations - even bands and drill teams. They hone their skills into unconscious habits - until their job requirement and their way of life are one.

Firefighters become part of a larger family - and take car of their own in times of injury, death, and disaster, whether to themselves or to their wives or husbands or children.

What they do for their living gives their lives meaning and purpose and structure - which is something that most of us couldn't say."
an excerpt from From Beginning to End - the Rituals of Our Lives by Robert Fulgham

When I read this page in Mr. Fulgham's book it touched me deeply on several fronts. I wanted to share it with you because I think this is what so many people are searching for - fulfillment and purpose, a structure for the fabric of our life.

I've been there, and I've walked through my own personal fire to get to a life that is good and right for me. I did it largely through trial and error paired with a willingness to walk through the fire.

Face your own fire. Walk through the flames. Be baptised in fire and find the life you know you are meant to live.

Giving is getting

Yesterday I went to the beach with my family. As you know the beach has been a great gift to me. It's a place of inspiration and peace for me. Today was different though. Today was about giving back to the beach.

In honor of earth day my family went to the beach and picked up trash - all those bits and pieces that get left behind after a picnic, all the stuff that floats ashore, and all the balloons that got loose and finally fizzled out here.

I was expecting it to be "work". Yes, we took the whole family, including the dog, but that was more about making sure everyone was doing their part and giving back. The unexpected surprise was the fun we had. It was a beautiful spring day, the sun was shining, and everyone was happy. We just walked and talked, collecting trash on our way. Everyone felt good about what we were doing and it just spilled over.

That's the dichotomy that always seems to be involved in "giving back". No matter what you give, you always seem to get more in return. I love that!

Green Choices

Well, it's Earth Day today so I thought I'd share something a little different. Usually I share things with you that are geared toward choosing how you are living your life and choosing to do things that make you feel happy and fulfilled. The thing is that all the same principles about choice apply to the environment.

I'm not an envirnmental activist. I live in a traditional suburban house, using electricity and natural gas. We mow our lawn (no sheep here:)and drive our cars. I have no intention of trading that in for a yurt and a bicycle. But we do believe in being kind to our environment and have found that we can "clean up our act" by making small, simple choices.

The concepts are the same and the techniques are the same. All you have to do is make a small choice, something that isn't horribly difficutl. Then do that thing over and over until it becomes a habit.

The latest thing we did was composting. I've never quite pulled myself together enough to create a compost pile. I've looked at it, but it always seems to be difficult. You have to balance green stuff and brown stuff, you have to turn it, it has to get up to temperature...it's probably not all that difficult but it just seems too hard to get started. However, my recycling pick-up also takes yard waste, a.k.a. compostable items. So now we throw all our veggie scraps, tea, etc in a little container by the sink then just add it to our yard waste bags. Simple, quick, easy.

There are hundreds of simple, quick and easy choices you can make. And if everyone makes one choice we can have a large impact.

So in honor of earth day I encourage you to make one grean choice today. Something quick, simple and easy like changing one light bulb to compact flourescent or buying an eco-friendly cleaner or dishwasher detergent. One choice, one change, one improvement.

Lessons from the Movies - Prince Caspian

Once again, mice are in the movies to teach us a lesson. Here we are, running through the woods, stopping for a little combat here and there. Our hero is on the run and it isn't looking good for his side.

Suddenly, the brush on the forest floor rustles and one of the bad guys falls to the ground shrieking. One by one the bad guys fall, with no idea what is taking them out. Then, out of the brush emerge . . . mice. It was mice that saved our hero and his 2 helpers from a half dozen soldiers.

Every time one of the mice shows up in a battle, his opponent looks at him in confusion saying, "Why, you're a mouse!" And in that moment the mouse makes a comment and takes out his opponent.

He's just a little guy. His skill is underestimated and everyone comments on him because they can't see the possibilities. They can't see how something so small could be such a big help (or hindrance if you're the enemy).

What are you overlooking? What small thing could make a difference? What little step could take you toward your dreams? What tiny choice could make all the difference? See it. Believe it. Go for it!

Does it really make a difference?

Do you ever wonder if small changes really make a difference? I believe they do, but every once in a while I get a reminder. Today was one of those days. I did something different, just a tiny thing, and every time I caught my reflection it surprised me.

What did I do? I blow dried my bangs down instead of off to the side. That's it. No big deal. It didn't take any extra time. It didn't take any extra effort. There wasn't any big or monumental reason to do it. I don't even know why I did. But the difference is dramatic - it changes the way I look completely. In fact, if I'd tried to buy a bottle of wine I bet I would have gotten carded (okay, wishful thinking but my 44 year old husband got carded recently so I'm grasping at straws:)

So if you don't think little things, little changes don't make a big difference just try it. Style your hair different. Take a different route to work or school. Walk to the store instead of driving. Give the love of your life an unexpected hug or phone call. Anything...just try something different and see if it makes a difference.


To have blog posts sent directly to your email just enter your name and email below, I will happily send you each post as it gets written!

Were you born to stand out?

Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?
-- from the movie What a Girl Wants

Have you fallen into that trap? Are you putting your dreams on hold because it’s so uncomfortable not to fit in? Think about it carefully. Think about your dream. Now ask yourself, “Why am I not creating this?”

If you come up with a list of reasons then I dare you to question them carefully because chances are you’re afraid of not fitting in.

I know what that’s like. When I chose to go after my dreams and started ReclaimU.com, I stopped fitting in. I was doing things differently from the rest of my family. My daily lifestyle didn’t fit in with my neighbors and community. My mindset didn’t match that of my friends. Everything began to change…and it was beautiful!

I’m not saying it was always easy. Fitting in seems like it would be easier. You don’t have to answer a lot of questions about why you’re doing this. People don’t look at you strangely. You don’t stand out in a crowd.

But what if you were meant to? What if you were meant to stand out in a crowd? What if other people learn and discover their own possibilities by asking you questions?

What if the path to your dreams runs right through that discomfort and walking through it is the surest way to get there?

It is your choice. You can keep doing what you’ve been doing. You can keep doing what’s expected of you. You can make sure that you fit in. And you can have all that goes along with it. You can have the same life as those around you. You can have the sadness of abandoning your dream. And you can have the pain of living a life you were not meant to live.

Or you can step out of your comfort zone, stand up and be who you are. You can spread your wings and be who you were meant to be. You can have the thrill of new experiences. And you can have the joy of living a life you were meant to live.

Lesson from the beach - Expectations

I walked on the beach in the morning. It was around 40 degrees and sunny, with a slight wind out of the north. A beautiful, crisp day with enough wind to make soothing waves crash the shore.

As I walked, I thought of hot summer days; wading in the water as I walked the shoreline, splashing in the surf and playing in the sand with my kids. Those are the thoughts most of us have when we talk about going to the beach. A sunny, beautiful afternoon of swimming and picnicking on a gorgeous sandy beach.

But that's not what today was like. Today was cold, and I walked only with my dog. It was more about solitude and reflection that sun and fun. Yet, it was amazing! I enjoyed myself immensely and would happily do it again.

Change can be like that too. We create an image in our mind of the way things "should" be, and often times they just don't happen that way. But if we keep our minds and our hearts open we can find any number of amazing things happening. We may have a solitary 40 degree day rather than an 85 degree day with family, but we can enjoy it just as much, and maybe even more, when we just remain open and grateful.


To have blog posts sent directly to your email just enter your name and email below, I will happily send you each post as it gets written!

Roots and Wings

"There are two lasting bequests we can give our children: One is roots. The other is wings." Hodding Carter, Jr.

This is a beautiful sentiment that captures the bittersweet feelings of parenting so well. I've always loved it but when I read it today I had entirely different thoughts about it.

A couple days ago I was answering questions on an interview and one of the audience members asked if they had what it takes to change their life. I talked to him about the 2 questions you need to ask yourself to know if you're ready for change. Reading this quote this morning dovetailed right into that and I realized that roots and wings are foundational in changing our lives.

We have to have roots. We have to know ourselves, our core values, our basic beliefs, our inner most desires. These are our roots. This is the part of us that never changes.

We must also give our selves wings. Wings are our ideas and dreams. Wings will let us soar, creating beautiful amazing things.

My wish for you today is that you have roots and wings.

[I added onto this post and posted it as an article. You can read the entire article at Choose My Life Now.]

A Tribute to Mickey

My daughter's guinea pig died last night and I am amazed at how much this furry little guy has meant to our family. I'm a dog person so when my daugher wanted to get her own pet and decided on guinea pigs I never expected what happened.

She got these 2 adorable baby guinea pigs and named them Mickey and Squiggles. They loved living together, in fact Mickey followed Sqigs everywhere he went and squealed when we separated them. They had their own personalities and really loved to interact with us. I can't believe how much I enjoyed them, or how much I came to care about them.

I appreciate all he did for my daughter and our family. All the lessons he taught her about love and responsibility, and all the fun they had together, is priceless. And even in his death he is giving back. My girls are learning how to grieve. They are learning how to listen to themselves and do what they need to do to heal.

I know he was "just a guinea pig" but Mickey has made our world better in his life and with his death. Thank you Mickey.

Following your own advice

Have you ever given advice to a friend and later realized it was exactly what you needed to do? I had that experience yesterday. I was talking to a good friend who is extremely frustrated with the string of unfortunate events that have plagued her life in the last month. As we hashed out what was going on and found an action she could take, I found myself taking the same action that afternoon. And I felt great after I did it!!

I can't tell you why this happens, but I do know we all have valuable advice for friends and colleagues. So when you find yourself dispensing advice, see if it's a fit for your own life.

The new lesson in an old memory about snakes

As a friend was telling me about her grandson not wanting to touch a big snake it brought back the memory of the reptile show I attended in Florida when I was 11. They were teaching us about alligators and crocodiles; showing us how you can clamp a mouth shut but never be able to resist the crushing force of a close, and how you can put one to sleep by running your hands down it's belly (running them against the scales wakes them up and puts them in an ugly mood!).

Then they brought out a boa constrictor. They asked for 3 volunteers from the audience and a ton of kids raised their hands - but I was the only girl. Being the only girl, of course I got chosen. I went down to the stage with no idea what I was going to be asked to do but I was excited about it anyway. Next thing I new I had this boa constrictor hanging around my neck and in that moment I was just grateful my mom didn't rush the stage yelling at these people for putting a boa constrictor around her child's neck:)

As I think about it now I have to admit I cringe at the idea of putting that snake, or any snake, around my neck. But then I had no fear. I had spent time handling garden snakes and new what that was like. I trusted the experts around me to make sure I didn't get strangled, and quite frankly it wasn't an enormous snake (big enough, but not 7 feet long).

I think these ideas apply to any of our fears. Handle garden snakes first (start small and safe). Trust the experts around you (get a coach, mastermind group or other experts and listen to them). Remember the snake isn't 7 feet long (it probably isn't as big a deal as you think it is). Then relax, have fun, and make sure someone takes pictures!

Parents are unpredictable

My daughter read this quote to me from her Amazing Days of Abby Hayes book, "Parents are unpredictable. They get angry when you forget to take colored markers out of your jeans pockets before putting them in the wash and other dumb things like that. When it comes to something really important, though, like accidents and blood and stitches, they're understanding and calm. (Does this happen all the time with everyone's parents? Or was I just lucky? I don't want to test this idea out!)"

We laughed about it - because it's so true. Then I started thinking about the rest of my life. How much energy do I waste being frustrated or angry about things that don't really matter in the big scheme of things? I know I've come a long way in this area, but I also know I have moments or days where I spin my wheels over things that don't really matter - they just feel like it in the moment.

What could I do with that time and energy that is wasted on those things? And how much better would I feel if I let the little stuff go?

Right here, right now, I vow that the next thing that comes along and frustrates me, makes me angry, or makes me scared, I will stop - take a deep breath - ask myself "Is this just a marker in the wash or is it really important?" Then put my time and energy toward the things that really matter to me.

Facing the tough stuff

A friend of mine, another entrepreneur, recently told me her main source of income threatened to be cut off (due to contracts, etc with a third party that is involved with creating & distributing her work). It struck me that in some ways she is in the same boat as so many of my friends and family who work/worked for the auto industry. And I would give her the same advice I give my friends and family who ask:

Deal with everything that happens - don't hide your head in the sand, face it and be proactive.

While you are doing that, assume there is a good solution available to each issue you are facing and that the person you are contacting will help you find it.
While you are dealing with the un-fun and unpleasant stuff take time to focus your thoughts on positive things: 1) what you want and 2) all your strengths and skills 3) all the good things that have come your way, big and small
Take steps to move yourself forward. Don't worry about whether or not they will work, just keep taking action.

You can find your way through this. You may not be able to see how right now. Just believe it and be open to options and answers that don't look like anything you ever expected. You can do this - you can even come out the other end loving your life more!

Leverage your subconscious mind

I was looking at Kelly Rudolph's personal safety training website http://www.safetyquicktips.com/index.htm and one section really popped up in my face. We've all read about positive thinking, affirmations and all the "good" things to do to further our goals and dreams. And while I've learned to do these things, and reaped the benefits, I never saw the phyisical, scientific side of it (hard to "see" how the subconscious mind works). So when I read these statements it really grabbed my attention.

The Facts:

* The subconscious mind sees pictures and looks for action words
* It is impossible to picture "don't" and "not"
* Example of how your subconscious mind receives a don't sentence: "Don't
picture a pink elephant." (You can't help but picture a pink elephant.)
* When you learn what NOT to do, you automatically visualize that action and
your subconscious mind stores it as a VIABLE OPTION
* Your subconscious mind accepts everything you give it...as if it is true

While she is making these points in regards to personal self defense they are equally true under all situation. So if you walk through your days thinking about how you're too tired to run, or you're always tripping, you will feel too tired to run or you will trip. It's the option you are feeding your mind so it's the only option your mind has to return to you.

What if you see yourself running that mile, finishing with your arms held high over your head and a smile on your face?

What if you see yourself giving an incredible presentation, laughing, smiling and enjoying every minute?

What if you you only think wonderful thoughts about yourself?

Then that's what your subconscious mind has to work with. And the next time you face a difficult or scary task your subconsious mind will get to work, thinking about how you will handle this and it will come back with "smart...creative...winner..." and visions of you succeeding and winning.

Seems worthwhile to me - and I've experienced the difference first hand. The days I spend thinking good thoughts about myself, my family, my life and my business are better, happier and more productive than those I spend wallowing or rehashing the unpleasant. The more time I spend envisioning positive outcomes and scenarios, the more that turn up in my life.

Sound silly? Sound great? Either way it can only help you so give it a try.

Lessons from the beach - a sudden change

Seemingly overnight my beach has changed. Throughout the winter there has been snow and ice, hills and valleys of frozen ground. The sand has frozen in place, creating a still and beautiful landscape. The hills of ice along the shoreline have blocked my view, and the frozen ice so far out into the lake has separated me from the waves. Now spring has arrived and once again there are waves softly lapping the shore; the ice is gone and my view has returned. The sands are once again becoming soft, shifting beneath my feet.

And yet, while the landscape has become so familiar there are still many changes from the summer before. The sand has piled high along the shore, sloping steeply to the water in places. Driftwood and rocks line my walk, lying along the beach in silent testimony to the change that has happend.

So too runs the change in our lives. We plod along, doing all the things we've learned to do to create the change we want in our lives. We see a small change here or there, some sign of hope that keeps us moving, but essentially everything is still like my winter beach, frozen and unyielding. Then, as sudden as a spring breeze it happens. Everything you've done is working together and in a moment it seems that all is new. The ice hills thaw, the sands begin to shift and you can see the view. All is good and right in your world. The change has come as soft and sudden as a spring breeze.