Turn the unexpected into the unforgettable

I think this comment sums up my attitude about things that go wrong during the holidays, 'Turn the unexpected into the unforgettable'.

I watch people running around, trying to create the perfect holiday. Their lives become frantic and full of stress. They spend their days thinking of everything that could possibly go wrong so they can make sure to have a solution right at their fingertips. They run themselves ragged, running for the finish line of a picture perfect holiday. I know because I used to be one of them.

I had these visions of what a perfect holiday would look like. The kids sitting around the Christmas tree in their pajamas, smiling and laughing as they open presents. Mom & Dad snuggled on the couch, watching their offspring with hearts bursting with love.

The irony is that when I was running around, making everything perfect, it never was. I never experienced this glowing scene, and, if there was a perfect moment or two, any glimpse I may of had of it was from behind a camera.

Once I let go of the scene, when I stopped trying to create the perfect holiday, it all started to fall into place. When I spent my time and energy enjoying the moment I was in, the special day seemed to take care of itself, when I looked at all the things that go wrong as memories in the making (because it really is the icky, the messy and the embarrassing that we remember and tell funny family stories about for years to come), that's when it happened. I got my Christmas wish.

No longer did it matter if the table looked just right. No longer did I need to see the Norman Rockwell portrait come to life in my family room. I had spent the last 4 weeks enjoying baking with my girls, having a snowball fight or sledding down hills while picking out a tree, and reminiscing with my husband about every ornament that went on our tree. I didn't have time to create a grandiose picture in my mind, and that means my family didn't have to live up to some mental fabrication in order for me to enjoy the holiday.

By letting go I got exactly what I was looking for.



For more on the holidays visit www.heartfilledholidays.com

Your voice, your way, in your own time

Putting yourself in the spotlight isn't always easy. People have lots to say about anything you put out in the public eye. I've had people look at one of my books and tell me they already do that or they learned similar techniques or principles in someone else's book.

To be perfectly honest, the first time this happened it really took the wind out of my sails. But what I realized very shortly thereafter was that my voice is different, my delivery is different, and there are people out there who need to hear what I'm saying because my style and my voice are a fit for them. It is easier for them to understand me than someone else with the same message. It is easier for them to 'hear me' because of the way I share the stories of my life, and they can see what happens when they make various choices. They can see the struggle, and they can see the joy. And they might just be inspired enough to take the reins in their own life.

So don't let nay sayers belittle your choices or step on your dreams. Know that you can make a difference in your own way, in your own voice, and in your own time.

Her authority came from her life-style

I was reading my newsletter from the Center for Action and Contemplation where Fr. Richard Rohr posed this question:

"Why is it that Mother Teresa could stand up before crowds of thousands and simply repeat simple New Testament phrases, and blow people away? She didn't say anything new: 'Jesus loves you,' she assured us. 'We're sons and daughters of God and we have to love Jesus' poor'. Yet people walked out renewed, transformed and converted. She wasn't a priest. She wasn't well-educated."

And then the answer:

"Her authority came from her life-style and her pure goodness."

Whatever your message, and whoever your audience is, your greatest opportunity to have them hear you is to merely live your message. Walk your talk and that will give you authority. Whether it's your children, your peers or your clients, they are all more likely to follow your advice when they can learn from your example.

Sometimes it's just a nickle

I spent a little "mom time" on our school websites this morning. My eldest daughter's English teacher does a weekly poll of the students on all kinds of crazy questions. I was amused by a few of them and then shocked by one of the polls.

He asked the students whether they would stop to pick up a nickle, dime, or quarter and 44% of the students said they would would pick up a nickle or a dime and 85% said they would pick up a quarter.

Now, I don't know why some of these kids wouldn't pick up the money. But here's what I do know: 41% of the kids feel there is a reason to pick up the quarter but they won't bother with a nickle or a dime. That fascinates me and it rings true in the lives of many adults I know as well.

We go through our lives asking for things, or saying we want to be happy, or healthy or wealthy. But we don't recognize or appreciate the sight of the child building a sand castle. We won't take a minute and skip down the street with our own child or grandchild. We don't have time to stop and listen to a beautiful piece of music. These things are only nickles and dimes to us. They aren't worth our time, effort or attention. But . . . if I pick up 2 dimes and a nickle today then I've accumulated a quarter. If I laugh here and appreciate beauty there then I find happiness. It isn't always the monumental things that bring us what we ask for, sometimes it's a nickle.

Are you missing the most beautiful music in the world?

This is a story sent to me in one of the myriad emails I receive. I delete most of them unread. However, I felt compelled to open this one and I'm so glad I did! I don't know who wrote the original email but I looked on Snopes and the story is true. Take a minute and read it, then see if it changes your priorities, your perception or how you go through your days.


Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approximately two thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.

4 minutes later: The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

6 minutes: A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

10 minutes: A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time.. This action was repeated by several other children.. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes: The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour: He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities. The questions raised: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made..... How many other things are we missing?