When we are making a change in our lives we are generally taught to think, think, think (Ready), then plan, plan, plan (Aim) then, if you feel good and ready go do something (Fire). However, have you ever considered changing that up a bit – Ready…Fire…Aim.
Many of the most successful entrepreneurs do exactly that. When they get an idea they think it through (Ready), take action on it (Fire), evaluate the action and make adjustments (Aim). CEOs of the leading Fortune 500 companies make most of their important decisions with only 80% of the data. The course of taking action, evaluating it then making adjustments and taking more action keeps them moving quickly. It doesn't allow much time for fear and doubt to sabotage.
Now don’t get me wrong, life takes some planning – I just think we need keep moving forward.
The strategy of Ready…Fire…Aim is one of action and momentum. As you keep taking action, and adjusting your strategy based on the results of that action, you are moving forward quickly and capitalizing on the momentum and good feelings to keep you moving forward.
Can you see a place where you are stuck, spinning your wheels? Is there something that is frustrating you? Just Fire. Take a chance, see what happens – then use what you learn to adjust your Aim and Fire again.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Choosing the Bright Spot on a Cold Winter's Day
As we enjoy the last vestiges of winter here in Michigan it has given me a reminder that every season has a purpose – even the final days of winter. It has also reminded me that life is definitely about enjoying each moment, choosing to find the good and fun things and focus on those.
What gave me a reminder? A car in my front yard.
A high school student got her car stuck in my front yard today. So I spent a portion of my morning getting her out, along with a gentleman who saw her & had stopped to help.
This was not how I planned on spending my morning. I was actually all warm and snug in my house with a hot cup of tea, chatting on the phone with a friend. Then I got to pull on snow boots and gloves and go dig out a car.
What was my choice? I could choose to be annoyed that I spent my morning digging cold snow with strangers instead of drinking hot tea with a friend. OR I could choose to enjoy the good part.
What was the good part? Getting her “unstuck”. As we pushed the car just one more time and it started to move we all had this surge of hope. As it rolled back out into the street, I looked at the girl and her smile was priceless. She was shocked and thrilled that we’d gotten her out – and so were we. It was actually kind of funny how pleased we were with ourselves. It gave us a bright spot to wrap our day around. And I choose to keep my eye on the bright spot - 3 strangers enjoying a joyful moment – unexpected and unwelcome in the norm, but bringing a few moments of great enjoyment.
What gave me a reminder? A car in my front yard.
A high school student got her car stuck in my front yard today. So I spent a portion of my morning getting her out, along with a gentleman who saw her & had stopped to help.
This was not how I planned on spending my morning. I was actually all warm and snug in my house with a hot cup of tea, chatting on the phone with a friend. Then I got to pull on snow boots and gloves and go dig out a car.
What was my choice? I could choose to be annoyed that I spent my morning digging cold snow with strangers instead of drinking hot tea with a friend. OR I could choose to enjoy the good part.
What was the good part? Getting her “unstuck”. As we pushed the car just one more time and it started to move we all had this surge of hope. As it rolled back out into the street, I looked at the girl and her smile was priceless. She was shocked and thrilled that we’d gotten her out – and so were we. It was actually kind of funny how pleased we were with ourselves. It gave us a bright spot to wrap our day around. And I choose to keep my eye on the bright spot - 3 strangers enjoying a joyful moment – unexpected and unwelcome in the norm, but bringing a few moments of great enjoyment.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
The Power of Procrastination
Procrastination - the enemy of all that we desire. The excuses, the fear, the laziness, all show up in procrastination. It is very powerful and it robs us a life we love. It steals our motivation and destroys our self-esteem.
When we avoid something then we feel badly. First we have to deal with the consequences of not doing whatever we are avoiding. Then we feel down on ourselves for not doing it.
So you'll do it tomorrow, right? Except tomorrow it is even harder. So now you are sitting around thinking about doing this thing and you feel awful. Since you are spending your time feeling awful and not doing this thing, nothing else is getting done either. Now you feel even worse because you still didn't do this thing and you didn't accomplish much else either. So you'll do it tomorrow, right?
Get the picture? A huge downward spiral that leaves you feeling like a ball of sludge.
What can you do? Fight back! You have the most powerful weapon of all at your disposal - ACTION.
Taking action is the key to fighting procrastination. I know that sounds mindlessly simple because by definition procrastination is a lack of action. The key here is understanding why there is a lack of action. Why aren't you doing these things?
Why is that? Are you taking on more than you can handle? Are you wasting time? Are you pushing too hard to be effective at what you are doing? Are you unable to refuse any request?
Another example: I'm just plain being lazy. I'm choosing to go play golf instead.
Why? Is the thing you are procrastinating on unimportant to you? Then why is it even on your to do list? A lack of focus and working toward unimportant goals can lead to procrastination.
OR is the thing you are avoiding too big of a task? Does it just feel overwhelming?
After you understand why you're procrastinating tackle the root cause.
If your life is too busy review your priorities and your calendar and clear it out.
If your goals weren't meaningful spend some time deciding what is really important and focus activity on those things.
If the task is too big, break it into bite size pieces.
Take a look at your life. Where are you procrastinating? Take that tiger by the tail, flip it around and look it in the eye. See what is really there and then you can tackle the problem one step at a time.
When we avoid something then we feel badly. First we have to deal with the consequences of not doing whatever we are avoiding. Then we feel down on ourselves for not doing it.
So you'll do it tomorrow, right? Except tomorrow it is even harder. So now you are sitting around thinking about doing this thing and you feel awful. Since you are spending your time feeling awful and not doing this thing, nothing else is getting done either. Now you feel even worse because you still didn't do this thing and you didn't accomplish much else either. So you'll do it tomorrow, right?
Get the picture? A huge downward spiral that leaves you feeling like a ball of sludge.
What can you do? Fight back! You have the most powerful weapon of all at your disposal - ACTION.
Taking action is the key to fighting procrastination. I know that sounds mindlessly simple because by definition procrastination is a lack of action. The key here is understanding why there is a lack of action. Why aren't you doing these things?
- Is there not enough time in a day?
- Are you afraid of the action itself?
- Do you fear the results of the action?
- Are you being lazy?
Once you identify the reason for the procrastination you can take it one step further. Ask yourself a who/what/why question next.
For example: I don't have enough time in the day. My schedule is jam packed and I just can't get it all done.Why is that? Are you taking on more than you can handle? Are you wasting time? Are you pushing too hard to be effective at what you are doing? Are you unable to refuse any request?
Another example: I'm just plain being lazy. I'm choosing to go play golf instead.
Why? Is the thing you are procrastinating on unimportant to you? Then why is it even on your to do list? A lack of focus and working toward unimportant goals can lead to procrastination.
OR is the thing you are avoiding too big of a task? Does it just feel overwhelming?
After you understand why you're procrastinating tackle the root cause.
If your life is too busy review your priorities and your calendar and clear it out.
If your goals weren't meaningful spend some time deciding what is really important and focus activity on those things.
If the task is too big, break it into bite size pieces.
Take a look at your life. Where are you procrastinating? Take that tiger by the tail, flip it around and look it in the eye. See what is really there and then you can tackle the problem one step at a time.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Your Flowers Don't Look Like Anyone Else's
I saw this quote in Really Important Stuff My Kids Have Taugh Me "If your flowers don't look like anyone else's, that's good."
This is a fascinating thought. As children, we are generally taught to fit in and follow the rules. Our school assignments are supposed to look like everyone else's. The clothes we wear to work are expected to blend in. Our landscaping in our yards should fit the neighborhood.
But what if your music is different? What if you hear a marching band when everyone else is swaying to a classical piece? What if you see rainbows where others expect portraits?
Then make it happen! Pick up the beat - splash on the color - create your vision.
We all have special gifts and talents. There are times where each of us is the lone voice in the crowd calling for something new. And we can't utilize our gifts fully when we are worrying about conforming. We can't solve problems if we think just like everyone else. Letting our imagination run wild will give us new opportunities, solutions to problems, new designs, great art and a much more interesting life.
It is the people who have the courage to show us their different flowers who give the world things to remember. Every great time period in the arts is defined by a new style. Every modern convenience is a new idea. Every joke is slight twist on common thinking. And your flowers don't look like anyone elses, let us see you bloom.
(Sometimes when we change our course and start to follow our dreams we feel alone, or like we don't fit in. If you would like to spend time with a group of people who are all making major shifts in their lives check out the ReclaimU Phoenix Center
This is a fascinating thought. As children, we are generally taught to fit in and follow the rules. Our school assignments are supposed to look like everyone else's. The clothes we wear to work are expected to blend in. Our landscaping in our yards should fit the neighborhood.
But what if your music is different? What if you hear a marching band when everyone else is swaying to a classical piece? What if you see rainbows where others expect portraits?
Then make it happen! Pick up the beat - splash on the color - create your vision.
We all have special gifts and talents. There are times where each of us is the lone voice in the crowd calling for something new. And we can't utilize our gifts fully when we are worrying about conforming. We can't solve problems if we think just like everyone else. Letting our imagination run wild will give us new opportunities, solutions to problems, new designs, great art and a much more interesting life.
It is the people who have the courage to show us their different flowers who give the world things to remember. Every great time period in the arts is defined by a new style. Every modern convenience is a new idea. Every joke is slight twist on common thinking. And your flowers don't look like anyone elses, let us see you bloom.
(Sometimes when we change our course and start to follow our dreams we feel alone, or like we don't fit in. If you would like to spend time with a group of people who are all making major shifts in their lives check out the ReclaimU Phoenix Center
The Lesson of a Board Game
I was playing Which Way USA with my daughter this weekend and found it to be fascinating. In this game you move around the board picking up your tokens and the first one to get back to their "home" and answer the question there wins. In order to pick up a token you have to answer questions about the various states.
As we were moving around the board I was having a good time. I answered some questions right and got some wrong. But I had fun and learned some interesting things about the country. I won the first game by a couple rolls and my daughter was not pleased.
She asked to play a second game so we did. During the second game my luck wasn't quite as good, I got more questions wrong and we were running neck-and-neck pretty much throughout.
Although our game pieces were running neck-and-neck, I discovered that I was actually way ahead. I learned some more facts, remembered some answers from the first game and generally had a good time. My daughter, on the other hand, did not have a good time. She was frustrated about losing the first game and her frustration kept her from remembering facts she had learned in previous games. Her frustration ruined the game for her.
In the end she got "home" first and answered the quesion. And while most people would say that she won I really don't think so. I think that I came out ahead. I would rather come in second (or third or fourth...) having a good time and learning something than to come in first without any enjoyment or increased knowledge.
As we were moving around the board I was having a good time. I answered some questions right and got some wrong. But I had fun and learned some interesting things about the country. I won the first game by a couple rolls and my daughter was not pleased.
She asked to play a second game so we did. During the second game my luck wasn't quite as good, I got more questions wrong and we were running neck-and-neck pretty much throughout.
Although our game pieces were running neck-and-neck, I discovered that I was actually way ahead. I learned some more facts, remembered some answers from the first game and generally had a good time. My daughter, on the other hand, did not have a good time. She was frustrated about losing the first game and her frustration kept her from remembering facts she had learned in previous games. Her frustration ruined the game for her.
In the end she got "home" first and answered the quesion. And while most people would say that she won I really don't think so. I think that I came out ahead. I would rather come in second (or third or fourth...) having a good time and learning something than to come in first without any enjoyment or increased knowledge.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Chicken Soup
Chicken soup, that amazing cure all that mom and grandma made for us when we didn't feel good.
We know that soup made us feel better, so what can we do when we are just unhappy? What is the chicken soup for our emotions?
Action
Action is the antidote to frustration and unhappiness. Action will make us feel better immediately.
I spent another Michigan winter sitting at my desk, sitting by the fire, sitting in coffee shops, sitting..., sitting... Now I'm feeling a little stiff and plush, and so is my family. We decided to meet up for 10 minutes of Yoga each morning. It's amazing. As soon as I started to stretch and move I felt better! After 2 days I am eating better and chomping at the bit to get outside and walk. A tiny bit of action changed my entire feeling.
So it goes with our life circumstances. Unhappy with relationships? Change something. Stuck in a rut? Do something different. Frustrated with your business? Try a shift in your marketing.
It doesn't have to be huge - do something, anything. Repeat.
One tiny step can move you forward, and that can change everything.
We know that soup made us feel better, so what can we do when we are just unhappy? What is the chicken soup for our emotions?
Action
Action is the antidote to frustration and unhappiness. Action will make us feel better immediately.
I spent another Michigan winter sitting at my desk, sitting by the fire, sitting in coffee shops, sitting..., sitting... Now I'm feeling a little stiff and plush, and so is my family. We decided to meet up for 10 minutes of Yoga each morning. It's amazing. As soon as I started to stretch and move I felt better! After 2 days I am eating better and chomping at the bit to get outside and walk. A tiny bit of action changed my entire feeling.
So it goes with our life circumstances. Unhappy with relationships? Change something. Stuck in a rut? Do something different. Frustrated with your business? Try a shift in your marketing.
It doesn't have to be huge - do something, anything. Repeat.
One tiny step can move you forward, and that can change everything.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Secrets of Success...The Joy of the Dream
Successful people know a secret: Reaching your dream does not create a lifetime of happiness.
Reaching a goal feels wonderful and is certainly a time to celebrate. Then what happens is a new dream comes into your heart and your joy will now come from following that dream.
So the real secret is to get your happiness from the journey, from the experiences along the way. Then you will have joy all the days of your life.
Reaching a goal feels wonderful and is certainly a time to celebrate. Then what happens is a new dream comes into your heart and your joy will now come from following that dream.
So the real secret is to get your happiness from the journey, from the experiences along the way. Then you will have joy all the days of your life.
Getting It Right
Make a choice and take action. Yes, that's my message to you. However, it has nothing to do with perfection. This is about bumbling around, bumping into furniture and falling down. It is also about choosing to stand back up and do it again, but not bump into the same piece of furniture.
It's about choosing to do it again and again, until it works. It's about enjoying the process and the anticipation of reaching the goal. It's about moving forward. It's about feeling the joy that comes from taking responsibility for our life, and it's about enjoying growing.
Enjoy your life, day by day.
Celebrate the good moments as they happen.
Keep reaching for your dreams and loving the present.
It's about choosing to do it again and again, until it works. It's about enjoying the process and the anticipation of reaching the goal. It's about moving forward. It's about feeling the joy that comes from taking responsibility for our life, and it's about enjoying growing.
Enjoy your life, day by day.
Celebrate the good moments as they happen.
Keep reaching for your dreams and loving the present.
Keep Moving
I am reading Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway and the author says, "I believe that if something is troubling you, simply start from where you are and take the action necessary to change it."
Aaaahhhh......a woman after my own heart. I have to admit, as my friends will surely attest, I am not one to sit around complaining, or to listen to it. I do not want to spend days, weeks and months figuring out why something is happening because by the time I figure it out I probably could have fixed it.
Yes, we all need to "talk things out". Sometimes we need to vent, sometimes we need to think out loud, and sometimes we need to ask "why", just don't get stuck there. Keep moving.
It's kind of like driving in snow. If you just keep moving, no matter how slowly, you will generally be okay. But stopping can get you stuck and that means more work (digging, pushing, rocking), some extra tools (shovels, kitty litter & tow trucks) and frozen fingers. Really it's easier to just keep moving.
Turn on a light.
Have you ever hit a time in your life where there was something wrong? There was one thing that was such a dark and looming aspect of your life that it cast a shadow over your entire life. All you could do was think about this one thing.
How it changed your life.
How miserable it made you.
How long it had been going on.
And you could only wonder when it would go away so you could be happy again.
What if you could find a little happiness now? What if you could cast a little light into one aspect of your life?
Maybe right now that light is just a night light, but that night light cast out enough of the dark shadow so you could see something to smile at.
Tomorrow perhaps you can turn on a small lamp - and see something to laugh about.
Soon you will find little flickers of light, small positive and happy thoughts popping up all over the place.
And the darkness of your life can become smaller and smaller. You may even find happiness in the face of something very difficult.
Turn on a light.
How it changed your life.
How miserable it made you.
How long it had been going on.
And you could only wonder when it would go away so you could be happy again.
What if you could find a little happiness now? What if you could cast a little light into one aspect of your life?
Maybe right now that light is just a night light, but that night light cast out enough of the dark shadow so you could see something to smile at.
Tomorrow perhaps you can turn on a small lamp - and see something to laugh about.
Soon you will find little flickers of light, small positive and happy thoughts popping up all over the place.
And the darkness of your life can become smaller and smaller. You may even find happiness in the face of something very difficult.
Turn on a light.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
A Note to Parents
Do you have a dream in your heart? Is there something you want so much that you can’t imagine not having it? Perhaps it started out small, a glowing ember of hope. As you thought about it more and more it grew. Each daydream was a breath, blowing the embers into a small fire, then a raging inferno until the dream consumed your heart.
After all, we are people too. Despite being parents, or perhaps even more so because of being a parent, we nurture hopes and dreams in our hearts too.
Can you imagine life without your dream? What would it be like to let it go?
Can you imagine giving up your dream for someone else? Think about what it would be like to have that fire burning inside you, but putting all of your time and energy into achieving a different dream, someone else’s dream.
There are many people out there doing exactly that. Our name for them is often son, or daughter.
There are countless children out there ranging from toddlers to adults, who spend their days making their parent’s dreams come true. These children are living in a prison. It may look beautiful, but a prison it remains.
Remember the feeling you had when you thought about giving up your dream? You’re child is experiencing this feeling every day of their life. They are giving up their dreams to make yours come true.
I know you love them. I know you want a good life for them. Can you trust them to create a good life from their own dreams? Can you love them unconditionally? Do you love them enough to let go of the dream?
Then, trust yourself. Let go of your dream for your child’s life. After you do that, take a good look into your heart and find the dream for your own life. It has probably been smothered by the inferno you were nurturing for your child, but I bet the ember of your own dream is still there.
Spend some time thinking about it, blowing on the ember. Take a step toward it, do one thing that moves you closer to your dream, and watch the ember grow into a flame.
Keep thinking about it, moving toward it, fanning the flames. Soon you will have an entirely new inferno to enjoy, and it will truly be yours.
After all, we are people too. Despite being parents, or perhaps even more so because of being a parent, we nurture hopes and dreams in our hearts too.
Can you imagine life without your dream? What would it be like to let it go?
Can you imagine giving up your dream for someone else? Think about what it would be like to have that fire burning inside you, but putting all of your time and energy into achieving a different dream, someone else’s dream.
There are many people out there doing exactly that. Our name for them is often son, or daughter.
There are countless children out there ranging from toddlers to adults, who spend their days making their parent’s dreams come true. These children are living in a prison. It may look beautiful, but a prison it remains.
Remember the feeling you had when you thought about giving up your dream? You’re child is experiencing this feeling every day of their life. They are giving up their dreams to make yours come true.
I know you love them. I know you want a good life for them. Can you trust them to create a good life from their own dreams? Can you love them unconditionally? Do you love them enough to let go of the dream?
Then, trust yourself. Let go of your dream for your child’s life. After you do that, take a good look into your heart and find the dream for your own life. It has probably been smothered by the inferno you were nurturing for your child, but I bet the ember of your own dream is still there.
Spend some time thinking about it, blowing on the ember. Take a step toward it, do one thing that moves you closer to your dream, and watch the ember grow into a flame.
Keep thinking about it, moving toward it, fanning the flames. Soon you will have an entirely new inferno to enjoy, and it will truly be yours.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Finding Happiness
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
- Agnes Repplier
Saw this quote this morning and loved it! This is a lesson I have learned very clearly in the last few years. Our happiness is inside us, and only we can choose to bring it out and enjoy it.
Have you ever seen someone living in miserable circumstances who was happy? Have you ever felt happy even when things weren't going so great?
Have you ever been unhappy when your life appeared to be great? Have you ever seen someone who "has it all" who is unhappy?
I'm not telling you that you will never experience sadness, or that even that you shouldn't. What I am saying is that you can choose how you react to the situations in your life. I find that our unhappiness is often caused by the way we react to the people and circumstances in our life.
Think about it.
If I am stuck in a traffic jam I can be angry and fume about how I'm wasting time or that I'm going to be late. OR I can be grateful that I have a few minutes to myself, then use that time to day dream, plan, think, or just be still and quiet.
If I am miserable in my job I can keep going to work and grousing about it or I can do something different. I can talk to my boss about other options, I can learn some new skills to expand my options, I can start a little business on the side that I enjoy (and as it grows it can make me less reliant on my job).
So, are you happy? If not, what's the source of your unhappiness? What step can you take to move toward happiness?
If you are already happy I invite you to share your joy with someone else today.
- Agnes Repplier
Saw this quote this morning and loved it! This is a lesson I have learned very clearly in the last few years. Our happiness is inside us, and only we can choose to bring it out and enjoy it.
Have you ever seen someone living in miserable circumstances who was happy? Have you ever felt happy even when things weren't going so great?
Have you ever been unhappy when your life appeared to be great? Have you ever seen someone who "has it all" who is unhappy?
I'm not telling you that you will never experience sadness, or that even that you shouldn't. What I am saying is that you can choose how you react to the situations in your life. I find that our unhappiness is often caused by the way we react to the people and circumstances in our life.
Think about it.
If I am stuck in a traffic jam I can be angry and fume about how I'm wasting time or that I'm going to be late. OR I can be grateful that I have a few minutes to myself, then use that time to day dream, plan, think, or just be still and quiet.
If I am miserable in my job I can keep going to work and grousing about it or I can do something different. I can talk to my boss about other options, I can learn some new skills to expand my options, I can start a little business on the side that I enjoy (and as it grows it can make me less reliant on my job).
So, are you happy? If not, what's the source of your unhappiness? What step can you take to move toward happiness?
If you are already happy I invite you to share your joy with someone else today.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
"Kneading" Your Relationships
Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone;
it had to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.
Ursula Le Guin
This is great! Okay - you want to create an extraordinary life, right? Can you have an extraordinary life without fulfilling relationships? I don't think so. I know it would be really hard for me to enjoy my day if I am bickering with my husband or carrying around frustration and guilt about another poor relationship. So what's a person to do? Knead it! Spend some time and some effort on loving the people in your life. Just like a loaf of bread rises the joy and love you feel and get in return will grow!
it had to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.
Ursula Le Guin
This is great! Okay - you want to create an extraordinary life, right? Can you have an extraordinary life without fulfilling relationships? I don't think so. I know it would be really hard for me to enjoy my day if I am bickering with my husband or carrying around frustration and guilt about another poor relationship. So what's a person to do? Knead it! Spend some time and some effort on loving the people in your life. Just like a loaf of bread rises the joy and love you feel and get in return will grow!
Walking Around the Mess
Our lives are inextricably entwined with so many other lives. From those who live in our homes with us to the stranger we pass on the street, the choices we make affect many others – and their choices affect us.
So how can I choose my own life if the decisions of so many others affect me? Good question. The answer lies in how you see things.
You can look around and react to all of the things happening around you and to you. You can go with a knee jerk reaction, you can try to “fix” everything and you can be constantly running in circles counteracting the fallout from decisions other people have made.
OR you can look around, take stock of the situation, evaluate your choices and choose the path that is right for you. In doing this you can keep in mind that it is not your responsibility to make everyone happy, nor is it your responsibility to mop up everyone’s messes. You do have responsibilities, and there are times when you are the best person to mop up a mess, but not always - even when it’s uncomfortable to keep walking around the mess and looking at the mess.
I was talking to a friend the other day. She has an elderly mother who lives alone and who doesn’t like to make decisions. She waits for her children to make a decision or take action then complains about the results if she doesn’t like it.
In looking at the situation my friend realized that while she does have a responsibility to her mother, she is not responsible for her mother’s happiness. So if she offers to drive her mother to the doctor and her mother won’t make an appointment it is not her job to find a doctor, make the appointment and take her mother there. If asked can she help find a doctor? Sure. Can she make the phone call to make an appointment if her mother wants her to? Yes. The key is to offer then do what you are asked to do.
The other key to peace in this situation is to allow her mother to live with the consequences of her choices. Again, you can help her. Just don’t go charging in on your white horse, ordering people around and saving everyone from themselves. Go ahead and be there, sympathize, even plan and assist with action – just don’t take it all upon your shoulders.
It’s a fine line and I’ll admit I had some trouble finding this line in a few of my close relationships. It took a few years, but now I have mutually supportive relationships instead of carrying the burden of taking care of everyone else.
So how can I choose my own life if the decisions of so many others affect me? Good question. The answer lies in how you see things.
You can look around and react to all of the things happening around you and to you. You can go with a knee jerk reaction, you can try to “fix” everything and you can be constantly running in circles counteracting the fallout from decisions other people have made.
OR you can look around, take stock of the situation, evaluate your choices and choose the path that is right for you. In doing this you can keep in mind that it is not your responsibility to make everyone happy, nor is it your responsibility to mop up everyone’s messes. You do have responsibilities, and there are times when you are the best person to mop up a mess, but not always - even when it’s uncomfortable to keep walking around the mess and looking at the mess.
I was talking to a friend the other day. She has an elderly mother who lives alone and who doesn’t like to make decisions. She waits for her children to make a decision or take action then complains about the results if she doesn’t like it.
In looking at the situation my friend realized that while she does have a responsibility to her mother, she is not responsible for her mother’s happiness. So if she offers to drive her mother to the doctor and her mother won’t make an appointment it is not her job to find a doctor, make the appointment and take her mother there. If asked can she help find a doctor? Sure. Can she make the phone call to make an appointment if her mother wants her to? Yes. The key is to offer then do what you are asked to do.
The other key to peace in this situation is to allow her mother to live with the consequences of her choices. Again, you can help her. Just don’t go charging in on your white horse, ordering people around and saving everyone from themselves. Go ahead and be there, sympathize, even plan and assist with action – just don’t take it all upon your shoulders.
It’s a fine line and I’ll admit I had some trouble finding this line in a few of my close relationships. It took a few years, but now I have mutually supportive relationships instead of carrying the burden of taking care of everyone else.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
A Life with Value
More thoughts from a daily quote.
The best portion of a good man's life is his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love.
- William Wordsworth
This is the exact idea that kicked off my Calendar Magic book. One day I realized I knew a neighbor could really use a visit, maybe a plate of cookies, but my to-do list was just too long to allow time for chatting. When I realized my thought process, I knew something had to change. I am not willing to allow my life to be all about my to do list. I want my life to make a difference - and doing something nice for my neighbor that day would have made a difference.
What choices are you making about how you spend your time? How do you feel about those - are you happy and fulfilled (then great! keep it up) or are you frustrated and stressed out (what do you choose to do about it?)
I invite you to join me in creating a life filled with value - a life spent sharing with others.
sharing laughter
sharing a hug
sharing dinner
sharing insights
sharing . . .
The best portion of a good man's life is his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love.
- William Wordsworth
This is the exact idea that kicked off my Calendar Magic book. One day I realized I knew a neighbor could really use a visit, maybe a plate of cookies, but my to-do list was just too long to allow time for chatting. When I realized my thought process, I knew something had to change. I am not willing to allow my life to be all about my to do list. I want my life to make a difference - and doing something nice for my neighbor that day would have made a difference.
What choices are you making about how you spend your time? How do you feel about those - are you happy and fulfilled (then great! keep it up) or are you frustrated and stressed out (what do you choose to do about it?)
I invite you to join me in creating a life filled with value - a life spent sharing with others.
sharing laughter
sharing a hug
sharing dinner
sharing insights
sharing . . .
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