Turning a negative positive - even with death

I just got off the phone with a friend of mine. I was checking to see how her daughter was doing. Her daughter had an incredible teacher who was a mentor and a friend, and he died yesterday. As expected, the girl was really upset when she found out. What was incredible is that when she got home in the evening she was okay. When her mom asked what happened she said she spoke with a friend who helped her look at it differently. While the fact that he died is painful and she is sad over that, she can remember the positive impact he had on the world. So she has decided to do what she can to impact people’s lives in a positive way just like her teacher impacted hers. Knowing this girl, I have no doubt that she will impact thousands of lives. Has she impacted yours already? I know she impacted mine.

Cows are good!

I wrote a blog this morning about turning a negative into a positive Illumination and then I saw another great story I had to share with you. Kathryn Webber had this in her newsletter and it is perfect!

That's me there with my 2,000 pound puppy. (There is a picture of Katie standing by a cow.) We've had cows next to us ever since we moved into this house and love seeing their gentle grazing as we go about our day. Our neighbor used to have a big white bull who was gentle and sweet but replaced him with a newer, more amorous fellow.

When this new guy came, he made sure everyone knew he was top dog, er, bull. He'd storm over and snort and paw at the ground to let us know we got too close to the fence. Today is different. He comes running now but in a happy jaunt. That's because he's gotten used to our apples, watermelon and carrots that he's been the recipient of over the past few years. Now he's sweet and, well, spoiled. Maybe you have had some situation that was negative and turned it into a positive?

Another story about turning negatives into positives. What's your story? Post a comment or send it to me at Sandy@sandyfowler.com

Illumination

I woke up this morning and went about my usual routine. When I finished showering and went to plug in my hair dryer it made me smile. We moved into a new house about 6 weeks ago. To make things a little easier I put a night light in the bathroom so the kids could see where they were going at night. They decided they liked it so they kept it after we got comfortable.

The house is a fifties ranch so of course there is only one outlet in the bathroom, and the plug for my hairdryer can only go in right side up; that isn't possible when the night light is plugged in right side up. One morning a couple weeks ago, I found the night light plugged in right side up. I turned it up side down and plugged it back in so that I could plug in my hair dryer. After doing this for 3 or 4 days I talked to my kids and explained why we were having "light wars" thinking that it was very logical and straight-forward and they would leave the light alone. No, logic has nothing to do with this. For some reason, one of my girls just has to have that light right side up.

I spent the next week getting annoyed every time I had to play this switching game because it made no sense to me, and there was a simple solution if everyone would just cooperate. Then one morning, as I flipped the light, I thought about my daughter and smiled. So the next morning I tried it again. As I flipped the light I thought about how much I love my daughter, and I smiled. Now I do this every morning. It has created a bright spot in my morning. No matter how busy I am, or what is happening, it is a happy moment and it makes me smile. It was a small choice that shifted the direction of my mornings from one of irriation to appreciation.

Procrastination or Celebration? A story of choice

When I was in elementary school I had to walk home from school. It was a little more than a mile which wasn’t too bad, but there was a catch. The catch was that half way home I could see my house, it was just on the other side of a creek. If I could cross the creek then I could cut ½ mile off my walk. This was great – when I was allowed to cross the creek.

There were times where my parents told me I was not allowed to cross the creek, like after a big rain. I, on the other hand, being so much smarter than my parents, knew that I could cross anyway. One day when I was walking home with my friend, after one of those rain storms, we decided to cross in spite of our parents’ instructions. Did you know that if you step in mud that is a foot deep your boots will get stuck and you can’t pull them out? Well, it’s true. Yes, I got stuck. I can still remember standing there with my feet firmly planted in the mud, wondering if I would ever get out. Fortunately I had a pair of shoes with me so I slipped out of my boots, climbed back up to the sidewalk and walked home.

When I got home I went to the back door and walked straight downstairs so I could wash all the mud off before my mother saw me. This is nothing but procrastination. Eventually I had to tell my mom I don’t have a pair of boots – I was just avoiding it.

This is the first time I remember procrastinating on something, but not the last. I saw procrastination rear it’s ugly head periodically in my life. It wasn’t that I didn’t do things, just that I didn’t do certain things. Every once in a while something would pop up that I needed to do, but I really didn’t want to, so it would fall to the bottom of my to-do list. Of course the thing on the bottom of the to-do list never gets done that day so it would be on my list tomorrow. Again, it would fall to the bottom of the list, not get done – rinse and repeat.

After several days the problem compounded. Not only was this a task I didn’t want to do, now I was embarrassed about how late it was. At this point, many things just got trashed and never happened, or I had to suffer the embarrassment of being really late. Either way it wasn’t fun and it would ruin days, or even weeks, of my life.

The solution? Do the most uncomfortable thing first. I have changed my tack and when I look at my day I choose to do the most uncomfortable thing first. This way, not only is it done, I feel really good about myself for doing it. It adds a boost to my self-confidence and energy to my day.

What’s on your list today? Go ahead – do the icky thing and enjoy the great feelings it brings.

And yes, I did get my boots back. My father managed to get them out of the mud and I spent my evening washing the mud off of, and out of, my boots – yuck!

What do you choose to be?

My in-laws regale us with family stories and one of my favorite "characters" is my father-in-law's mother. I never had the good fortune of meeting her and I'm sorry that is the case since she sounds like a wonderful lady, and one I would have enjoyed very much.

Apparently she was a tiny woman with a great attitude and a wonderful sense of humor. She was bright and fun, and the absolute last person you would ever cross. While my husband and his 3 brothers adored her, they never dared step out of line. When questioned about her strength and her ability to run a benevolent dictatorship with all these boys running around she shared a story from her childhood. She had 2 older brothers and when she was about 8 she had a decision to make; she could either be the "pick-ee" or the "pick-er" and she chose to be the "pick-er". And she never looked back.

It makes me think about the choices I make. Who am I choosing to be? Am I taking control and making choices that shape my life or am I allowing circumstances (like 2 older brothers) determine my life? I think I'll take a page from this marvelous lady's book and choose for myself.

For dog lovers only

Lying under my toasty down comfortor, chatting with my husband on Saturday morning, we decided to take the dog down to the beach for some excercise. It sounds lovely, a nice leisurely stroll on the beach, wind blowing in my hair, holding hands with my hubby and the dog running near by.

We get dressed and send the dog into orbit by telling him we're going. My husband puts the dog in the truck and comes back into the house offering to loan me a hat because it's raining. RAINING! It can't be raining. Remember when I said I was snuggled up under my down comforter? It's about 40 degrees outside and, while I enjoy a nice walk in the rain, 40 degrees is not my idea of a great time to walk in the rain. However, we told the dog we were going and, quite frankly, he will make us crazy if we don't.

Do we go to the beach and get cold and wet, or do we live with a very annoyed and highly energetic dog?

I guess we can always come home to a hot shower and a cup of tea. It's off to the beach for us.

Luck was with us, we were rewarded for our brave decision, and the rain stopped by the time we drove to our favorite section of dog beach. It was a great time to walk. The wind was up, the waves were rolling in and the sky was layered in amazing clouds in a million shades of gray. We had a marvelous time walking, and of course hauling around the full plastic bag which seems to accompany any good outing with a dog.

The waves caught me off guard. As I walked just above the high water mark, an overly exhuberant wave stretched a few extra feet and soaked my hiking shoes. We laughed and went on, and I moved higher up the beach even as I kept a wary eye on the playing waves. I'm glad I kept an eye on the waves because I got some more good laughs the next 3 times my husband got soaked. Even the dog (he only saw his first wave a month ago when we moved near Lake Michigan and he still approached the water infrequently and with great suspicion) got his feet wet once with a rogue wave that hopped an extra 5 feet up the beach as we ended our walk.

When we reached the end of our walk we were still enjoying the time outdoors and sat down on a short break wall to watch the water and feel the breeze a little longer. I was happy because it was a beautiful day and not only could I enjoy it a little while longer, I got to do it without holding a plastic doggie bag as I could just set it in the sand. As we sat there, watching, we should have known better. We were just watching, a few feet beyond the high water mark when another rogue wave soaked us from mid thign down. We were laughing at the moment, right up until we saw a little plastic bag floating in the water. My husband looked at me and said, "I suppose you expect me to go get that?" Before I nodded my head a few thoughts flitted through my mind. First, is it environmentally friendly to let a biodegradable plastic bag of dog poop float around in the lake? Then I envisioned some little kid finding it as he played at the beach. Not good. So I nodded yes and grinned as my knight in shining armor saved me from yet another foot soaking as he raced into the edges of the lake, racing the waves to retrieve a plastic bag of dog poop.

Some choices change our lives and others just give us stories that amuse other people.

Baby Steps

Have you ever really watched a baby learning to walk? Do they look around one day, stand up and walk? No. They practice balancing and pushing up. Then they hold onto some support while they practice moving their feet and legs. They fall down a lot, and the people around them applaud and cheer each attempt and each tiny success. We watch them, encourage them, hold out our hands and hold them up.

When you create change in your life, when you choose to do something new, remember the baby. Learn one step at a time and surround yourself with people who will cheer you on and hold you up until you can do it on your own. If you are looking for a place with support and tools that you can use as you walk this new path then visit ReclaimU.

Lessons on fear from the world of potty training

I was in the ladies room at Panera Bread today and heard a mom talking to her little girl. The girl was afraid to use those big huge toilets. (Can you blame her? Can you imagine crawling up on a toilet that is as high as your rib cage? Scares me!)Anyhow, the little girl looked at her choices - 1.) use a HUGE toilet 2.)wet her pants - then listened to her mother's encouragement and chose to go for it. She gathered up her courage and used the big pottie!

Now we can easily sit here and say it was no big deal and there wasn't anything to be afraid of, and we are right. Here's the kicker though, the same thing is true for 95% of our own fears. Think about it. What are you afraid to do? You know there's something. There is something you can do that would move you forward, closer to a goal or dream, and you don't do it because you're afraid.

Are you afraid to ask for help? Afraid to make a phone call? Afraid to change jobs? Afraid to move? Afraid of sharing your talents?

I understand because I have my own fears. And our fears feel just as real, but are just as unfounded as the little girl's fear of the potty. So I'm going to take some inspiration from this little girl and face one of my fears today. I guess that means I have to go because I have a phone call to make. Good luck with your potty!

The Key to Failure

The majority of men meet with failure because of their lack of persistence in creating new plans to take the place of those, which fail. -- Napoleon Hill

I like this quote because failure is part of success. In order to succeed in anything there will first be failure, and that is something to be grateful for. Failure teaches us what works and what doesn't. It shows us the strengths and weaknesses of our plans. It is our guiding hand - IF we are willing to learn from it and create new plans.

So what are you creating? Have you experienced failure? If you did...
1.) Take a moment and be grateful for the failure.
2.) Find the lessons in it
3.) Develop a new plan.
4.) Repeat.

I wish you great success, and a great appreciation for the failure that gets you there.

A Simple Smile

Yesterday was a good day - and my brain was fried by the time I was finished with my work. I decided to go uptown and walk around the shops and maybe head down to the lake to watch the waves. On my way I saw a couple, probably in their seventies, walking hand-in-hand and just smiling.

The sight of them really struck me and I couldn't look away. They looked so perfectly content and happy. They had these wonderful small smiles on their faces; smiles of contentment that just stayed there. It wasn't fleeting. It wasn't becaause of something they saw or something one of them said. It was a part of them and their relationship, and the joy they took in the simple act of walking down the street holding hands.

I'm going to take the inspiration I got from them and be sure to enjoy my family today. Just spend time being and letting myself be happy in the moment. I encourage you to create more happiness in your life and spend some time with people you enjoy.

Three Years from Now

I was reading the latest "Book Bites" from Lynne Klippel and she had a great quote in there.

"Wait three years and every disaster turns into a blessing." -- Old Buddhist saying.

I love this! It is so true. While we look back on painful times in our lives we often say, "It was tough but I'm glad I went through it". Right now our economy is tough for many people, but you can turn that around.

Take a moment to think ahead. Three years from now where will you be? What will you be doing? Go ahead, envision yourself there. See yourself living the way you want to live. Use all your senses to see, hear, touch, taste and smell your new life.

Now let the current financial disaster turn into a blessing for you. Use this upheaval to rethink your life and find the path to what you want.

Go for it!!

Fun at Work

Last week I talked about having fun and guess what? Just thinking about more fun has brought it into my life, even at work. I have been playing with Social Networking this week and it is great! Yes, I was surprised that it was so much fun. I thought about doing this before but the idea just seemed overwhelming. Well, Melissa Ward changed that! I listed to her interview on ReclaimU Radio and it got me excited about Social Networking so I decided to give it a go - and I loved it.

So if you're looking for a way to have fun while furthering your career give it a go!

Give the Candidates a Break

With the elections coming up here in the States we are swamped with political information, opinions and slams everywhere we turn. Whether it is the newspaper, our neighbor or talk at the local restaurant, I hear a lot of people trying to figure out who will make their life better.

The president will certainly affect the country. And whatever your thoughts on either candidate, or their ability to lead, shape and change this country's future, remember this: They are not responsible for your personal happiness. They are not able to make you happy. Only you can do that.

The country can experience great prosperity and you can be happy or miserable.
The country can experience a great depression and you can be happy or miserable.

So during this history making election, I encourage you to excercise your right to vote. I also encourage you to excercise your right to "the pursuit of happiness". Go ahead, take the reins of your life and be happy - regardless of what is happening around you.

Give the candidates a break, don't hold them responsible for your happiness. Make choices that make your life better and move you forward. Then enjoy the journey and be happy!

Puddle Jumping

Did you jump in puddles when you were a kid? I still remember going out after a good rain and playing in the puddles; digging around with a stick to create mud, jumping over them, and of course, jumping in them. The best puddles were at camp because they were under the swings. You could swing and run your feet through the puddles to create a great splash and, if you were really lucky, soak a friend. It was fun - simple fun.

So the obvious question is, "What do you do for fun now?" When is the last time you let yourself have fun? Have you laughed today? Did you tell a great joke recently? What sounds like fun right now?

If you've read my book then you know I'm a big believer in not only having fun, but putting blocks of time in your calendar to make sure you have the opportunity. So today I encourage you to do something fun, simple and fun. Just enjoy yourself, do something that brings a smile to your face.

Have a puddle jumping day!

Economic Meltdown is Your Opportunity

Everywhere you look, listen, or read all you hear is economic meltdown. Let’s face it, the media makes money off your emotions – when they trigger strong emotions you watch their broadcast, buy their paper or purchase their magazine. It is in their best interest to stir up your emotions. The question is, “What are you going to do about it?”

Are going to join in the moaning and hide your head under the covers? Are you going to let fear paralyze you? Are you going to point the finger at politicians and hope that a new president means a new economy? Or....are you going to let this be an opportunity to create change in your life?

You have a choice here. You can do what you’ve always done and hope you survive; or you can create your own change. Look around you, see what’s happening and realize that this chaos will settle back down. Chances are that when the dust settles things will look different.

If you are ready to do something new then the question is how can you be part of that? Do you want to start a business? Do you want to get a new job, change industries? What do you want your life to look like? This is your chance to get, do and be what you want.

I encourage you to be brave, explore the possibilities and get excited about a new direction.

Just Do It

Interesting day yesterday. I woke up in an a bit of a mood and spent the first part of the morning thinking about what was bothering me. I'm not one to shirk feelings, and I also don't like to spend my entire life sorting through them, so I was trying to figure out what the "real" problem was. I couldn't figure it out; my thoughts just kept getting round to different things that were irritating me.

I tried changing my thinking to gratitude and positive thoughts. That didn't stick. I just kept getting thoughts of what was annoying me.

Nothing seemed to be working.

Then I got a call from a good friend who I haven't connected with in a while. We chatted for a bit and when I got off the phone I noticed that I felt a little better. Since I hadn't identified a real problem I decided to get rid of this mood with action. I just started doing things.

At first I couldn't focus well and wasn't being very productive. But I kept going and as I got more productive I found I felt better. I kept going until 9:30 that night and by the time I was done I was tired, but I felt better; and this morning I woke up feeling great!

I guess the Nike slogan - just do it - is good for getting rid of the blahs. When you are in a bad mood but can't identify a root cause just get productive. Doing something will make you feel good about yourself and it just might push you out of that rotten mood.

You always have a choice

You always have a choice. That's what my dad always said to me growing up. Whenever I would balk about something and complain he would counter with, "You always have a choice". I hated hearing that, just as I'm sure you won't like it either when I say it to you when you are facing a difficult situation - "You always have a choice!"

I know there are times when we all feel cornered and we end up doing things we don't like. During those times we often mumble about being forced into it or not having a choice. The truth is that you do. It is just that the other options were things you immediately dismissed and the unpleasant thing you find yourself doing was the most acceptable choice in that situation.

Why does this matter? Because when you realize that you are choosing to do the thing you are doing, when you acknowledge the control you have, it actually helps. You start to see choices where you thought you had none. You feel better about doing things you don't particularly like because you see it as something you are choosing to do and you can compare it to doing something you truly don't want, or aren't willing to do.

Taking this to the extreme is a saint. Maximilian Kolbe was in Auschwitz when 10 men were chosen to starve to death in order to make a point. One of the men had a family and was lamenting what would happen to them. Most of us would feel horrible but helpless in this situation. After all, what could we possibly do? We aren't in charge. Maximilian Kolbe realized he had a choice, he volunteered to take the man's place.

Thankfully we are not making that kind of a choice, but we do have difficult choices in our lives. Do you let your adult child move back home? Do you move your parent to a nursing home? Do you stay in a job you hate?

There isn't a right or a wrong choice here. There is only creating the life you want. Realizing that you are creating it can help you enjoy it. Imagine these two scenarios. In the first scenario your family has come to the realization that your elderly parent cannot live alone. Perhaps you don't relish the idea of having them live with you and you are miserable and angry about the change in your life. You feel trapped and unhappy. You lament about how unfair it is and how your life has changed. In the second scenario you have the same situation but you evaluated all your options and you chose to have your parent live with you. You feel this is the best option for everyone involved, and while it isn't always easy you feel this is the right thing. See a difference?

The difference is in the outlook. It is in the way you feel about your decision. Do you feel trapped and pushed or in control and making the best choices for you? It doesn't mean things will always be easy - it does mean you can feel better about them by changing your attitude. They say attitude is everything and it can certainly make a huge impact in the way you feel about your choices.

You always have a choice - what do you choose?

More on inspiration

Do you remember the old waffle soles on athletic shoes? Do you know where the inspiration for that ideas came from? Yes, a waffle iron. The man who created the first tennis shoes with that kind of traction came up with the idea when he was spending time with his wife making breakfast.

Inspiration is around every corner. Live your life with your eyes wide open!

101 Wishes

I am reading The Aladdin Factor and it takes you into an excercise where you make a list of 101 wishes for your life. I started the excercise yesterday and it is fascinating to see what happens in your mind as you do this. It's pretty easy to make a list of 10 or 20 wishes, but eventually you hit a point where you have to start expanding your vision or detailing the wishes you've mentioned. You learn to allow yourself to dream more.

I found myself really coming out of my box and starting to think about my life differently. I highly recommed doing this excercise. It may take several hours or several days, but it will help you shift your mindset and bring out some exciting prospects.

101 Wishes - What do you want in your life?

Inspiration Awaits

I was asked to consider this quote,
"You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club." -- Jack London, Author

My first thoughts are - absolutely! As an entrepreneur and author I have found that to be absolutely true. When I sit back, pulling in on myself and focusing in on my own small world, I find no inspiration. But when I open up and go out into the world I find bucketfuls of inspiration.

Reading a book always gives me something new to think about. Whether it's the lives of characters in a beach book or the program laid out by a self-improvement expert, there is something to learn and consider in everything I read.

Going out and talking to people always inspires me. Sometimes I find an person with an incredible story. Other times it's the smiles of many passers-by. Still others it's the interaction of the dogs at the dog park. Being out in the world always opens my eyes.

So yes, Jack London, I agree with you whole heartedly. Those who sit and wait for inspiration to come upon them will have a very long wait. Those who go out and experience life will find it around every corner.

Do you need inspiration? What can you do to find it today?

Do you peel your banana from the bottom?

My mother-in-law gave me a compilation of everyday tips. Things like using a dryer sheet in your pocket instead of insect repellent. One of those tips was to peel your banana from the bottom. Apparently when you do this you don't get those annoying little strings. For whatever reason, that caught my attention and stayed with me. . . peel your banana from the bottom.

Then I started thinking, "What other little things am I living with that I don't like?" We all do it. We experience something we don't like, but we live with it because it's just a little thing. We don't even put forth any effort to think of alternatives.

Are you tripping over shoes every time you walk in the door? Could you put up a shoe rack?
Do you work at home and find yourself dealing with phone calls at all hours? Could you turn off the ringer or unplug the phone "after business hours"?

We aren't talking about monumental plans here, just small things that can make a small difference. If we can peel a banana from the bottom I'm certain we can make other small choices in our lives that make them a little bit nicer. Let me know what you do - I'd love to hear about it!

Doing it Right!

WooHoo! Some scientific evidence to support my lifestyle! I love this article http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/28/technology/28proto.html?_r=2&th&emc=th&oref=slogin&oref=slogin because it gives me confirmation that the changes in my sleeping habits make sense (so I can send all of my right brained engineer relatives to this site and someone else can explain why I do what I do).

Ever since I made the choice to listen to my intuition, write my books, build www.ReclaimU.com and generally change my life, I have been going to bed early. Really early, often times before my children. While my husband and kids are supportive of my doing this, I also take a lot of flack from several fronts. I have chosen to stand my ground and ignore their comments because even if I couldn't explain why, I knew this worked for me.

See, when I go to bed early then I get a full night's sleep and still wake up early. So, as the artilce points out, my brain has time to process, make connections, and be creative. Then, when I am up at 4 or 5am, everyone else is asleep and I have a quiet space to work with all the new ideas before the world's distractions sabotage all my good intentions and great ideas.

While I know I don't need justification for the choices I make in my life - and I have no problem living my life my way - once in a while it is really nice to get a little extra support. Thanks New York Times!

Thoughts on Moving

Whew! It's over. We are moved in, unpacked and resuming a "normal" life. It feels great to have the house set up and only a half dozen boxes left to unpack . We are all excited about creating our new life in a new town. And, surprisingly, I will actually miss the moving process a little bit.

I know I got really tired of packing boxes, and we didn't enjoy having boxes stacked up all around the new house. However, I do love the clean, fresh feeling of moving. We spent months paring down, clearing out and getting rid of things we don't need or don't use. We spent 2 days cleaning the new house from top to bottom. And it all feels great. That light, fresh feeling of traveling light (well, as light as you can when you have 2 kids, 2 guinea pigs and a dog). That's the feeling I like about moving. It just gets rid of a lot of stagnant energy and unused stuff and allows room for new, exciting things.

It feels so great I'm recommending it to you. While I'm guessing you probably aren't ready to pick up and move, you can clear out the clutter in your life and allow room for fresh air and new opportunities. Whether it's a closet, a room, your office or your calendar, I highly recommend setting aside a little time to clear it out. Then notice what happens in your life. See what changes and what new things come into your life. Keep me posted and I'll keep you posted on mine.