Lessons from cribbage - facing fear

My husband and I played cribbage last night and he introduced a very small twist into the game. After you deal 6 cards to each player, the deck is cut and the top card turned up. Well, he decided we shouldn't flip that top card over until after we play out the hand and are ready to count our points. No big deal, just a small tweak that doesn't even change play of the game. It shocked me just how much this little thing bothered me. That card nagged at my mind while I was playing my hand and really affected my focus. My husband said he had the same problem when his brother introduced the idea to him last weekend.

Why is this so difficult? Because we are creatures of comfort. We create habits, routines and preferences that make us comfortable. Any little change can really throw us for a loop, and it is our natural impulse to put things "back to normal" as quickly as possible.

Try this. Sit down and fold your hands together in your lap. Which thumb is on top? Now switch. Fold your hands so the opposite thumb is on top. How does that feel? What does it make you want to do? For most people this is really uncomfortable and until you switch back, you can't think of anything else.

Is there any reason for this? Is is safer or better to have a particular thumb on top? Not really. It's just a comfortable habit we created and changing it takes thought and effort.

This is how it is with any change we create in our lives. We have to put thought and effort into it, and it very likely makes us step outside our comfort zone. The bigger the change, the more uncomfortable it is. And if it is large enough, we step over discomfort and into fear.

So how can we move through the fear and create a change we want? One helpful thing is to focus on a positive result you'll get from creating the change. Will you be able to send your kids to college? Will you get to retire early? Will you get to spend more time with someone you love? Whatever the "bonus" is to you - keep your eye on that. Oftentimes when we are thinking about the great rewards we will reap, the fear we are facing starts to look small.

Another way of getting through discomfort and fear is by practicing. We gain confidence when we meet challenges, face fear, and make it through to the other side. I take small opportunities to face fears and "just do it" - even when there is no great benefit. It just shows me I can, builds my confidence, and actually creates the habit of "getting it over with".

My first business helped me overcome the fear of making difficult phone calls. In this business I had to make some really uncomfortable calls. I was having a very hard time even picking up the phone so I made a little tweak. I changed my advertising methods so that the calls came in to me. I found that answering the phone when it rang was easier than picking it up to call someone. After a week or so of fielding phone calls, I started making calls too. I was still scared, it was still hard, but I did it - and I rewarded myself for making the calls (a little chocolate goes a long way!).

What is really interesting to me is that, even today, if I have a scary phone call to make my gut reaction is to pick up the phone and dial. I just want to get through the pain that the fear causes. By making phone calls I discovered that the call is never as bad as the fear. It was the experience that created a habit and built confidence so I could face a similar situation with greater success.

So take the small opportunities for facing fear and build up your confidence. Start with your thumbs and a deck of cards and see how far you can go!