What are you missing out on?

I looked at the 'Honey Do' list on our refrigerator this morning and noticed nothing has been done on it. This was interesting because there are only 3 things on the list and it's been hanging there for weeks. The last list had about 10 things and got done in about a week. Hhhmmmm.... Then I realized that, although there are only 3 things, they are things my hubby doesn't like to do. Therefore they will sit there for a very long time.

Then I read Seth Godin's blog post 'Different Kinds of Work' where he talks about how we make choices about what we are and aren't willing to do in our work.

So now I'm thinking about myself. What am I choosing to do? What am I missing out on because I'm not willing to do what it takes to get there? Might be time to rethink the things I'm choosing to do.

Only 2 weeks 'til Christmas!

Whew! It's been a busy month. All the Thanksgiving preparations and dinners (yes, I said dinners. We get to have 2 days of Thanksgiving celebrations back-to-back), shopping, volunteering, time with with my family and some wonderful unexpected opportunities have all combined to make a very busy few weeks.

Now I can’t believe it’s only 2 weeks to Christmas! This morning, as I look at my to-do list, it would be very easy to have a total melt down. I could even regret taking the day off yesterday to enjoy a snow day with my girls. But I don't. While there is a lot on my list that I would like to do, the fact is there isn't anything on there that is a matter of life and death. There are really only a few things on there that 'have to happen' so Christmas isn't spoiled.

So I've decided to continue my same mode of going with the flow and enjoying my activities. We still have all of my favorites coming up including 2 this weekend; searching for the Christmas tree and decorating the tree. I'm thinking we might even have time to bake some cookies....or not. Either way I'm choosing to have a fun and relaxing weekend with my family.

Turn the unexpected into the unforgettable

I think this comment sums up my attitude about things that go wrong during the holidays, 'Turn the unexpected into the unforgettable'.

I watch people running around, trying to create the perfect holiday. Their lives become frantic and full of stress. They spend their days thinking of everything that could possibly go wrong so they can make sure to have a solution right at their fingertips. They run themselves ragged, running for the finish line of a picture perfect holiday. I know because I used to be one of them.

I had these visions of what a perfect holiday would look like. The kids sitting around the Christmas tree in their pajamas, smiling and laughing as they open presents. Mom & Dad snuggled on the couch, watching their offspring with hearts bursting with love.

The irony is that when I was running around, making everything perfect, it never was. I never experienced this glowing scene, and, if there was a perfect moment or two, any glimpse I may of had of it was from behind a camera.

Once I let go of the scene, when I stopped trying to create the perfect holiday, it all started to fall into place. When I spent my time and energy enjoying the moment I was in, the special day seemed to take care of itself, when I looked at all the things that go wrong as memories in the making (because it really is the icky, the messy and the embarrassing that we remember and tell funny family stories about for years to come), that's when it happened. I got my Christmas wish.

No longer did it matter if the table looked just right. No longer did I need to see the Norman Rockwell portrait come to life in my family room. I had spent the last 4 weeks enjoying baking with my girls, having a snowball fight or sledding down hills while picking out a tree, and reminiscing with my husband about every ornament that went on our tree. I didn't have time to create a grandiose picture in my mind, and that means my family didn't have to live up to some mental fabrication in order for me to enjoy the holiday.

By letting go I got exactly what I was looking for.



For more on the holidays visit www.heartfilledholidays.com

Your voice, your way, in your own time

Putting yourself in the spotlight isn't always easy. People have lots to say about anything you put out in the public eye. I've had people look at one of my books and tell me they already do that or they learned similar techniques or principles in someone else's book.

To be perfectly honest, the first time this happened it really took the wind out of my sails. But what I realized very shortly thereafter was that my voice is different, my delivery is different, and there are people out there who need to hear what I'm saying because my style and my voice are a fit for them. It is easier for them to understand me than someone else with the same message. It is easier for them to 'hear me' because of the way I share the stories of my life, and they can see what happens when they make various choices. They can see the struggle, and they can see the joy. And they might just be inspired enough to take the reins in their own life.

So don't let nay sayers belittle your choices or step on your dreams. Know that you can make a difference in your own way, in your own voice, and in your own time.

Her authority came from her life-style

I was reading my newsletter from the Center for Action and Contemplation where Fr. Richard Rohr posed this question:

"Why is it that Mother Teresa could stand up before crowds of thousands and simply repeat simple New Testament phrases, and blow people away? She didn't say anything new: 'Jesus loves you,' she assured us. 'We're sons and daughters of God and we have to love Jesus' poor'. Yet people walked out renewed, transformed and converted. She wasn't a priest. She wasn't well-educated."

And then the answer:

"Her authority came from her life-style and her pure goodness."

Whatever your message, and whoever your audience is, your greatest opportunity to have them hear you is to merely live your message. Walk your talk and that will give you authority. Whether it's your children, your peers or your clients, they are all more likely to follow your advice when they can learn from your example.

Sometimes it's just a nickle

I spent a little "mom time" on our school websites this morning. My eldest daughter's English teacher does a weekly poll of the students on all kinds of crazy questions. I was amused by a few of them and then shocked by one of the polls.

He asked the students whether they would stop to pick up a nickle, dime, or quarter and 44% of the students said they would would pick up a nickle or a dime and 85% said they would pick up a quarter.

Now, I don't know why some of these kids wouldn't pick up the money. But here's what I do know: 41% of the kids feel there is a reason to pick up the quarter but they won't bother with a nickle or a dime. That fascinates me and it rings true in the lives of many adults I know as well.

We go through our lives asking for things, or saying we want to be happy, or healthy or wealthy. But we don't recognize or appreciate the sight of the child building a sand castle. We won't take a minute and skip down the street with our own child or grandchild. We don't have time to stop and listen to a beautiful piece of music. These things are only nickles and dimes to us. They aren't worth our time, effort or attention. But . . . if I pick up 2 dimes and a nickle today then I've accumulated a quarter. If I laugh here and appreciate beauty there then I find happiness. It isn't always the monumental things that bring us what we ask for, sometimes it's a nickle.

Are you missing the most beautiful music in the world?

This is a story sent to me in one of the myriad emails I receive. I delete most of them unread. However, I felt compelled to open this one and I'm so glad I did! I don't know who wrote the original email but I looked on Snopes and the story is true. Take a minute and read it, then see if it changes your priorities, your perception or how you go through your days.


Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approximately two thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.

4 minutes later: The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

6 minutes: A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

10 minutes: A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time.. This action was repeated by several other children.. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.

45 minutes: The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

1 hour: He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities. The questions raised: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made..... How many other things are we missing?

Getting double rewards

"To help others develop, start with yourself." -- Marshall Goldsmith

When I read this quote this morning I realized how often we choose to spend our energy worrying about what others are doing or trying to change what they're doing. The truth is that we can't change other people directly. They have to choose their own change. However, we can be an example to them and an inspiration to make the choice to change.

And here's another of those dichotomies: When we put our energy into ourselves, caring for ourselves, being our best self, sharing ourselves with others, we inspire others to do the same. So we get a double reward! We get all the benefit of being our most wonderful selves and at the same time we get to enjoy those who've been inspired by us to make changes for themselves.

Welcome the weeds

I saw an article today titled "Common Weed Could Provide Clues on Aging and Cancer" Basically scientists have studied this weed and found an interesting behavior pattern when one microscopic bit is altered. What caught my attention here was that this study was done on a weed. By definition a weed is something we don't want around, something we would eradicate from our lives if possible. Yet, it is a weed that is teaching us and giving us insight.

And so it is in our lives. The unhappy moments, the unpleasant experiences, all the difficult things are the weeds of our lives. We would happily eradicate them from our lives if we could. And yet, these moments teach us and give us insight, much like the weed that scientists are studying.

Perhaps it's time to welcome the weeds in our lives and be grateful for all they bring us.

Being a pumpkin

I received this in one of those emails that's been forwarded 1000 times and it gave me warm fuzzies. Since it's fall here and I like warm stuff I thought I'd share the warm fuzzies with all of you. Enjoy and feel the warm fuzzies of your source of joy and inspiration in life, whatever that may be.

Being like a pumpkin ~ God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all of the yucky stuff -- including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc. Then He carves you a bright new smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see.

Hidden Costs

I've seen several bits of writing lately that talk about the hidden cost of something. Whether it's the food you eat, the car you drive, or what you think, there are always effects that you may not have realized.

When you buy "cheap" food from the big box store instead of your local farmers' market there is an impact on the environment and the local economy.

When you eat food that has been sprayed with pesticides there is an impact on your health.

When you think negative thoughts about yourself there is an impact on your self-esteem and your future actions.

When you choose to do nothing out of fear there is an impact on your future.

Thinking beyond the obvious and thinking beyond the moment might mean making different choices and it might just mean a better outcome.

Twenty plastic bags of fear

As I was reading my book last night I could hear my husband talking to himself. He was packing for his upcoming backpacking trip and looking for things to jettison from his pack. He caught my attention when he came across a bunch of plastic bags and said, "Twenty plastic bags. What was I afraid of?"

Not, "What was I thinking?" or "What would I need those for?" but "What was I afraid of?" That comment really struck me and I realized that we all carry around "plastic bags". We all do things, think things or literally carry things around with us that aren't essential, not because we believe we need them, but because we are afraid to be without them.

I think it's time to take a serious look at myself and see what I can jettison.

Cracked Pots

I've seen this story many times over the years in slightly different forms. I have never seen an author's name attached but I'm grateful to them for their wonderful insights.

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.

One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.

At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.


For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water..

Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.

But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do ha lf of what it had been made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.

I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.'

The old woman smiled, 'Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?'

'That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them.'

For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.

Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.'

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.

You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.

SO, to all of my cracked pot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

Pegged by the hot dog guy

My husband and I went up town yesterday to have one of our favorite lunches ~ hot dogs down by Lake Michigan. We went to our favorite hot dog vendor and while we were chatting with him he told us something really interesting. He knows things about people based on what they put on their hot dogs. I know this is true because he had already asked me if I liked my sweets (and those of you who know me know how much I've always loved sugar ~ Yes, I can eat a 6 pack of Pez without blinking an eye and still crave more).

And that's a skill we can all learn, not eating Pez but noticing things and seeing relationships. In fact, it's one of the most helpful things I've learned in my life to help me create better relationships and bring more happiness into my life. I've learned to pay attention to how I feel or react to something and what that means. I've noticed that if I read one 'beach book' it's fun but if I start reading 2, 3 or 4 back to back it affects my mindset and my thoughts tend to become more negative. I've watched my children and know when to answer their concerns and get into a big discussion and when to just let them blow off some steam or change the course of the conversation.

By noticing little things, small shifts in feeling or body language, I have learned a lot and made my life easier and happier. I can 'nip things in the bud' and make adjustments before they become a problem. I can find ideas and discover inspiration. It's not hard, it just takes a little time and a willingness to look, listen and feel.

One step

Sometimes things feel overwhelming, from a single task to your entire life. I find the simplest solution to moving forward in the face of overwhelm is a single step.

Take your task, your day or your life, choose one small step that seems manageable.

This morning I was cuddled up in my cozy warm bed thinking about how I 'should' go for a run with my dog. I thought about being out in the cold, huffing and puffing my way around the neighborhood (most likely carrying a little plastic bag with a gift from my dog) and promptly rolled over and pulled the covers up to my chin.

The contrast was just too big, it felt overwhelming. So I decided to just get out of bed. That's it. No grandiose plans for the morning or the day, just crawl out of my cozy spot into the cold house. I don't know at this moment if I'll run or not, but I am up and I've written this blog. Now I'm off to get dressed and at least walk the dog. We'll see what happens from there - less pressure, one step at a time, usually yields pretty good results.

Living with a pusher

I was walking on the beach with my hubby and my dog yesterday and having a great time. We walked a ways in the freezing sand in my bare feet. I told Tom I'd like to turn back when we reached about about half the distance would normally walk. My feet were aching a bit from the really cold sand and they already had sore spots from walking around in heels all afternoon & evening the day before.

He was really nice about it because he understood I didn't want to make my feet sore to the point where I couldn't run or hike the next day. However, and this is the big BUT, he also didn't feel like he or the dog had gotten enough excercise.

So the pushing began....

First it was, "Let's run back." So I said okay and started jogging. He and dog ran (those of you who run certainly know the difference) and, since I had already showered and dressed for the day I had no intention of getting all sweaty so I just jogged.

The pushing continued....

We reached our starting point and it was, "Let's walk to cool the dog down." Again I said okay, after all, the dog does need to cool down. So we walked.

And there was more pushing....

After a few minutes I said I wanted to head back to the car and he says, "Let's just walk to the sign over there". I say okay.

And she puts a stop to the pushing....

So we walk, and when we reach the sign he keeps on walking This is the point where I said no - I'm done, I have work to do and I want to go home. Of course Tom pleasantly agreed and we headed back to the car and on home.

What was fascinating was to watch the pushing. I know he does this when it comes to excercise. I'm sure I do it to him in other areas. But what I saw today was 2 things:

• The benefit of living with a pusher. He gets me to do more than I would have done by myself. I know it's true (and sometimes that annoys me too :) Having someone to push you can be a real help.
• If I keep going it is my choice. He may push me, but I'm the one who's letting him. If I don't want to do it all I have to do is say no.

Bring on the obstacles

"If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably isn't leading anywhere." ~Clark

This quote made me pause & think for a minute. As I thought about my most interesting and most exciting journeys in life, it is often the obstacles that made them worthwhile. Whether they made the trip interesting or they gave me the skills I needed to reach the end, it wouldn't have been a fabulous trip without them.

I know that's easy to say once I've already walked that road and handled the obstacles. But if I think about it in the more ordinary aspects of my life I come to the same conclusion. The camping trip where it rained all weekend (how do you make the trip fun and worthwhile in spite of the rain?) The decorating project where the paint goes up on the wall and looks like something unmentionable. The road trip where all the roads are under construction and you begin to wonder if it really is true that "you can't there from here".

These are all things that have happened to me and my family and these are the times that give us the best stories, fondest memories and most inspiration. Seriously, how many family stories do you have about the trip that went perfectly? The ones I hear people tell are about the unexpected and out of the ordinary ~ and how they handled this, overcame the obstacles and created fun in the process.

Having it all

I was watching "The Women" last night and was really intrigued by some one of the characters.

Meg Ryan's character had an incredible opportunity offered to her and she said she needed to think about it. Everyone was flabbergasted that she didn't just jump for joy and kiss the feet of the woman offering her "her big break". And I loved it!

Here is someone who 'gets it'. She understands that success and happiness are about doing what makes you happy, not what everyone else thinks you should do. Someone who sees that 'some boutique orders' could make her happier than supplying all of the Saks stores. Someone who knows that spending time with her daughter is more important to her, and will make her happier and more fulfilled than building an empire.

She knew her own heart and made the choices that supported her desires and her vision for her life and I wish us all the strength and vision to do the same.

Simple stress relief

This morning I am very grateful for a few miles of expressway, a good stereo in my truck, and Kenny Chesney. I had a great morning but things are really busy right now and by the time I left the house to go work I was feeling stressy and a little spizzy. On my way out of the subdivision a great song came on so I followed my gut, popped on the expressway and belted out the lyrics with Kenny.

I have to admit, this is not the way I usually handle frustration or spizziness. Typically I would take some quite time or meditate or something like that. But that's not what my gut said and this solution was perfect today. By the time I ran through the song twice I felt great - it was just a quick and simple way to let go and release a little tension.

Sometimes the answer is quick and simple ~ and downright fun.

The Power of Forgiveness

I had a a really interesting morning with a surprising discovery. See, I've been having trouble working lately, not in getting things done but in feeling inspired or really feeling "connected" and like I'm making a difference. I have learned that when I feel this way it's because I'm focusing only on the "to-do" side of life and not taking time to just be and experience things, to let life flow through me.

So a few days ago I decided to get back into my morning meditation routine, but it just didn't work. I tried spending time on the beach, praying, just being quiet, but none of it worked. No matter what I did I just couldn't find that peaceful, connected place I usually live in and really love to work from.

This morning I found the answer in a place I never would have expected - forgiveness. This really struck me as funny because I recently had the honor of receiving an early copy of Michele DeVille's new book The Path to Forgiveness for review and comment. I think the book is beautiful and thought it would be a wonderful inspiration for "those who needed it", which of course wasn't me. I didn't think I'd ever struggled with forgiveness. Then, this morning, I discovered I had. It was a little comment by a friend that I had hung onto without really realizing it. And it was this little black cloud that was interfering with my search to "reconnect".

As soon as I identified the issue and forgave the friend and myself it was like someone throwing a switch. I felt back to my old self, peace was restored and now I am off and running and enjoying my work again. All of this came through choosing to forgive.

"They" don't get it

"People only see what they are prepared to see." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

I saw this quote on @jdavis55 Twitter account today and one thought went racing through my mind ~ that's why "they" don't get it.

We make thousands of choices every day of our lives. Then come the times where we have to make bigger ones, choices that obviously affect other people's lives as well as ours, or choices that change the course of our life. When we make these choices often times "they" don't get it - "they" don't understand why we did it.

"They" are the people who are close to us, the people who's lives intersect with ours and the people with opinions we listen to. And the truth is that none of them are you. None of them know exactly how you think and how you feel. None of them can ever understand why you do what you do as well as you understand it yourself (and if we're honest, we don't even always understand it ourselves - we just know in our gut it's what we have to do).

So it's okay if "they" don't get it. When you know with absolute certainty that you are doing what you must do then that's enough. You can be polite and you can be kind, but you do not have to get "them" to understand. Know yourself, trust yourself, and follow your path. And if you want support or you want to be able to get excited and 'bounce off the walls' talking about your new adventures then seek out those who are creating change and do 'get it' and share with them.

It's all in your head

I was walking on the beach early this morning and as I looked out along the shoreline there was an incredible view. The land curved out into the lake and the trees were shrouded in a light mist, it was just beautiful. When I saw it I was reminded of Scotland. Immediately I started thinking about how wonderful that trip was and how beautiful the landscapes were. I really loved my time in Scotland, especially our northern most stops where we were on the water. It was peaceful and relaxing and I just plain felt good. And there are times where I think it could be really great to live there.

Then I started wondering what was really so different from what I had right here, right now. I had a beautiful view over the water. It is very peaceful and there is a lovely town around the corner. So what's different? The things going through my mind. Here I'm thinking about what I have to do today, how to solve a problem or what I want to do next. When I was on vacation in Scotland I had no responsibilities beyond enjoying myself and finding some place to eat lunch. My thoughts were entirely about the landscape and how wonderful and peaceful things were.

So what happens if I allow the same thoughts to be my focus here? What if I spend my morning on the beach thinking about how beautiful it is? What if I think about how peaceful and relaxing it is on the beach? What if I just enjoy the feeling of the sand under my feet and the water lapping at my legs?

So I decided to try it, to change my thought train right now on this beach. I did it and it was wonderful. I felt playful and energized. I was happy and having fun. (My dog may not have enjoyed it so much because the playful me started splashing him as we walked, but I had fun.) And I realized that there isn't some magic about the feelings of vacation - it's all in my head.

and to those who love them

Yesterday I wrote about the courage of 2 girls who are following their dreams and how they inspire me to look at each new phase of my life as an adventure to be lived with gusto and joy.

Today I salute their parents. Without parents who trust, love and support them in their efforts to follow those dreams, these girls might be facing a different road. It is the love of these parents, and their willingness to let the girls go that inspires me today. As a parent we spend our lives watching over, caring for and nurturing our children. Then comes the time where the way to love them best is to let go . . . and I salute these parents for doing just that.

ReclaimU sent out a Tidbit last week that says it all, and they have graciously added this one to their website so you can read it. I hope you enjoy.

Kudos to 2 girls following their dreams

I am really impressed with a couple of the young ladies in my life. They are both in their late teens and are hitting the gas when it comes to living their lives and following dreams, in spite of any fear they may feel.

One of these girls is the daughter of a friend of mine. She realized in the beginning of 2009 that she had an opportunity to graduate high school early and she went for it. She worked hard, spent her evenings taking on-line classes, fought the bureaucracy that popped up and finished high school a year early. While doing this she scoped out colleges, applied, went after scholarships (after all, Mom & Dad weren't expecting to foot college tuition bills for another year) and is now packing up to head out on the next phase of her life.

The other girl is my niece. She won a rotary scholarship to study over seas for a year. She is packing her bags and heading off to Belgium to live with a family she's never met, in a country she's never been to. She too has been very busy, not only planning for a year abroad but also setting up her college plans for the fall after she returns.

I'm sure they're scared. I'm sure they have thought of all kinds of reasons to change their plans, and yet I see them marching forward and focusing on the fun and adventure of all that is in front of them. These girls are an inspiration to me, and I hope to you as well.

Power of the mental twirl

I was reminded this weekend of the power that our minds have over us - and how we can shift that power to support us. I just came back from vacation and, in spite of planning for my return before leaving, I was feeling overwhelmed with all I have to do. A million thought of things that need to be done kept flying around in my mind. Then I got on the phone with my business partner and we started brainstorming and reviewing what happened while I was gone, but that just seemed to add a ton more to my mind.

On Sunday morning I was walking on the beach with my hubby and my dog and I was apologizing to my husband for snapping at him. I explained what I was feeling and that I knew in my gut "working" on Sunday wasn't the answer. And he reminded me of one of my power tools - write it down.

(image here of Sandy hitting herself on the forhead with the palm of her hand -- Duh!)

As soon as he said it I realized that he was right. By writing the thoughts down on paper I can release them from my mind and stop the twirl. Writing them down also exposes the "to do monster" to the light of day and shrinks him down to size. As I wrote out all these things I thought I had to do I realized that many of them were just reminding my kids of things they had to do and many more couldn't even happen yet (like buying school supplies). So the list wasn't as long as I thought, I was able to delegate things and the rest can be planned for and handled with a calm clear mind that has been released from the power of the mental twirl.

Stayin out of the valleys

Friday I was writing about my husband's roller coaster of running. Well, I've had the same experience with my thoughts. Over the last several years I've really focused on my thoughts and on keeping them in a positive and forward looking place. But, quite honestly, there are times when you just want to have a good rant or wallow in the garbage because it feels hard to change over to the positive.

But the same is true of the valleys here; the deeper I travel down into the valley, the harder it is to climb out. But I also know what it's like to be at the top and I know I absolutely will climb out. So over the years I have learned that, while it may be easier to wallow around in the moment, I choose to stop myself as soon as I notice the negative direction of thoughts and turn it around.

The bottoms of those valleys are usually places where we don't feel so great. The deeper the valley the worse we feel and the harder it is to climb back up.

The more I do this the sooner I notice. The sooner I notice, the shallower the valleys. The shallower the valleys the easier it is. And the more time I spend up high on the hill tops the happier I am.

The roller coaster

Have you ever felt like your life was looking like a roller coaster? Recently my husband commented on this in terms of his running. He realized that he goes in cycles. For a while he runs, and runs, and runs. Generally this means he has a goal or has picked a race he wants to run and he diligently trains for it. When he's training he naturally eats better, sleeps better and just has better habits over all. This can go on for weeks, months or a couple years.

But periodically something happens to derail the running. It isn't necessarily anything monumental; it can be as simple as a disruption to his routine. And suddenly he's heading down on the roller coaster.

What was interesting is that he was noticing this, and had been seeing it happen for a while now. He also mentioned that the peaks were getting shorter and the valleys weren't quite so deep. He said that he noticed he didn't feel as good when he didn't run. And he noticed something else; he saw that the sooner he picked up running again after a break, the easier it was to get back to feeling good.

We all experience the roller coaster rides in our life. We go after a goal, create a resolution or discover something new and we're right on top of it. After a while it wanes and we take the downhill ride. However, if this was something that added value to our world then, at some time, we'll realize we miss the good part of it and we'll start working at it again, heading back up.

The cycle is normal, but what I know is that the sooner we realize we're on the downhill and take action to turn things around the easier it is. So pay attention to how you feel and, when you notice something isn't as good, look around to find out what downhill you're riding. Then you can turn things around to go back up. Now you can enjoy the view, and the feelings, at the top.

Scooting, learning & scary stuff

I was out riding scooters with my daughter and when one leg got tired I switched to the other leg. I was flabbergasted! This simple thing, switching from one leg to another, changed everything. It wasn't a huge, monumental difference I suppose, but it sure felt that way for a few minutes. And it stayed uncomfortable the entire time I was on the other leg.

Pushing was harder, braking was harder and, someone please explain this one 'cuz I don't get it, but steering was harder. All this from standing on one leg vs the other.

What I noticed myself doing then was deciding if I wanted to work at this or not. I chose to work. I figured I would be building some other muscles, improving some coordination and even practicing doing something that's uncomfortable. I guess you could say I was even building a new skill set.

It's a reminder to me that discomfort helps us grow and can be good for us. I think I'll try to remember that the next time I have to talk to my husband about something touchy, make a new sales call or even just put my ideas out to the world. The discomfort, or even fear, is something I can walk through and it will leave me stronger.

Inspired Living

I had a very interesting morning. It's one of those days which reminds you that listening is the most important skill you have. In this case, listening means being quiet and hearing yourself, that small inner voice that will guide you if you let it.

I woke up early and, although I had planned to get ready and go to our local Panera to work, I ended up sitting in the middle of a slightly overgrown lawn in front of a local church. So of course the question is, "Why?"

The answer is - because that's what I needed. When I was packing up my computer and all my stuff this morning I was feeling off. So I slowed down a bit and let a few different thoughts run through my mind. While these thoughts were passing through I was very quiet and payed attention to how I felt as each one waltzed on by. When one felt good I went with it, like following a fork in the road. I kept doing this until I realized that what I needed wasn't to plop down behind my computer and get to work.

The thoughts that felt good were all about being outside for a while; someplace with grass and trees rather than down by Lake Michigan. I remembered that there is a labyrinth by one of the local churches so I headed over there.

When I got there I discovered that the labyrinth was quite overgrown and didn't know if I'd be able to walk it. No sooner did I observe this than I saw an entrance. So I started walking.

I walked about 5 feet, turned and the path went straight to the center. Interesting...not how this usually works but I'm just going with the flow this morning so I thought I'd stay there for a while and see what happens.

And I'm so glad I did.

I guess I was probably only there for 10 minutes, but it changed my entire day. I felt completely at peace, let go of some things and felt drawn to various tasks for the day.

Now I'm at Panera, feeling much better than I did this morning and just sailing through the tasks I felt drawn to.

This is what I think of as inspired living. It isn't always excitement and fireworks. It isn't always about making a huge difference. It isn't always about a project or a plan. Inspired living is living your life, each moment of each day, from a place of inspiration. It's listening to that inner voice that is here to guide you, and following through on what you know is right for you in that moment. And when I live this way it lets me enjoy my life more and be happier in the little daily things. It also opens doors and makes room the projects, the excitement and the creation of amazing things.

Let the wild flowers grow

I'm looking at our front lawn and it fascinates me. The weeds and anything I "don't want to grow there are lush and green. All the "grass" is looking a bit tired from lack of rain. So this begs the question, "Why do we insist on nursing the difficult to grow grass and keep trying to kill off the stuff that wants to grow easily?"

And our lawns aren't the only place we do this. I do this in my life, in my relationships and in my business from time to time. Instead of finding something that I enjoy, that is building on my strengths, I try to force the thing I "should be doing".

But what if I just mow the weeds? Or better yet, let the wild flowers grow. Could it be beautiful?

My Mile

I just got back from a run. It feels really weird to say that because I only ran a mile. Now I'm sure there are people out there who don't run at all who go, "You're nuts." But in my brain I hear - You only ran a mile. Hmmm...that's not a very empowering thought. And the embarrassing truth is that a month ago I couldn't run the length of a few houses [that's actually what got me motivated to run - along with a dog that reeaaallllyyy needs the exercise]. And, since I'm being perfectly honest, I don't think I even want to run farther than a mile. I have no inclination to run in races. I don't want to improve my times. I don't want to see how far I can go or push myself. I just want to run my mile with my dog and feel good about it. In fact, I'm shocked that I want to run at all.

So I'm still wondering about this 'only a mile' thing in my head. And then I see it clearly. For those of you who don't know, I'm married to a running coach. He likes to coach beginning and intermediate runners, and personally, he likes to run ultra trail marathons. An ultra marathon is anything longer than a marathon which is 26 miles. Tom, my husband, enjoys 50 mile trail runs, and is thinking about training for a 100 mile race [before you ask me, no, I don't know why. I don't understand it and I probably never will, so don't ask me why he does it. And just for the record, he is nothing but supportive of 'my mile']

But what I see now is that I am judging my mile based on his love of running 50. Since 1 mile isn't even a warm-up for him I'm not valuing my own accomplishment, or even just letting myself enjoy the run.

That's just like measuring the success of my business against Starbucks. It doesn't make any sense. My business is nothing like theirs, nor do I even want it to be. I don't want to run a retail establishment - I like to work from home or speak to groups.

It's also one of the things I warm 'my moms' about in Calendar Magic - don't measure yourself against some idea of a supermom that you have in your head, or that you think you see in your neighbor. Your life is different, your family is different, your business is different and you want different things for your life. Focus on what YOU want and only measure yourself against your own yardstick.

So I guess it's time for the 'expert' to take her own advice. I am officially celebrating the fact that I ran a mile - and I'm excited about it!!

Is it polite or limiting?

I was at the orthodontist's office and watched something fascinating. There was a mom waiting with 4 young children. The kids were handling it well, but were running into some frustration ~ like needing a pen to work on a puzzle. When the receptionist offered a pen to one of the boys she realized it was purple and thought he might like green better so she offered him a choice. The boy said he'd like the green one but he thought one of his sisters might like the purple. When the sister went to the counter she politely asked if they had any other colors. Here's where it gets interesting . . .
Mom reprimands her for asking this. Hmmm ... I can see Mom's point of wanting to instill good manners,being grateful for the things people offer us, and saying thank you. After all, that is what we're taught.

But what if there's more? And if we don't ask then how do we know?

I saw a curious girl who knows what she likes, believes there is more to world than what is right in front of her and isn't afraid to ask for it. She was curious and polite and I encourage her, and you, to always look at all the possibilities.

A little push over the line

I just got back from having lunch with my husband (one of the perks of working from home:) But today's lunch was different. What made this lunch special was that it was a conscious choice on our part to spend some time together and focus on us. We'd had a significant difference of opinion on some family matters a couple days ago. We both felt very strongly about handling the situation in extremely different ways; this did not exactly bring us closer or make us feel all warm and fuzzy about our relationship - and that's okay. We sorted through things, laid out options and finally found one we can both deal with.

What I really wanted to share with you is what happened after the fact. This morning we realized that we were both standing on a line. One side of the line has all the negative thoughts and the memories of everything our spouse has ever done that annoyed us. The other side of the line has all the positive thoughts and all the memories of all the things that we love and appreciate in our spouse. After a couple days of negotiating and dealing with a lot of frustration we were both standing there on the line. So we chose to spend some time alone together today, just enjoying each other. Nothing huge, just a little push to help move us over to the positive side of the line.

I know it's a small choice, but it's those small choices that define our relationships and our life. What are you choosing?

The cactus and the caterpillar

My daughter sent me an email titled The Cactus and the Caterpillar. It's the story of how a man asked for a beautiful flower and a butterfly, and instead was given a thorny cactus and an ugly caterpillar. Feeling disappointed he went on his way and kept living his life. Then, one day, he was passing the place where he had received these disappointing things. And, as I'm sure you can guess, on the thorny cactus was an incredibly beautiful flower, and the ugly caterpillar had turned into a gorgeous butterfly.

It's an amazing reminder that things don't always show up in the way we expect, nor do they always happen in the time frame we expect them. And in my life, lately, I've been frustrated by exactly that. It was a beautiful reminder that the way I view the gifts in my life is my choice; I can see a thorny cactus or I can see a miracle of nature, an amazing, hearty plant that can outlive me, that needs almost no water, and produces beautiful flowers. And it's a reminder to be patient.

I am grateful for these reminders, and today I choose to enjoy where I am right now.

A hamster, a dog & because I said so

A new meaning behind the old saying from our parents. Instead of "because I said so" it becomes "because I feel it in my gut". The first time my daughter's friend wanted to bring her hamster over to visit our guinea pig my gut said no. However, since my brain couldn't come up with any 'really good reason' to say no I just let it happen.

A few visits and several weeks later the hamster escapes in our house. Now I'm not a panicky person, and my parents let us handle all kinds of little critter when I was a kid, so it's not the idea of the hamster on the loose that bothers me. What bothers me is our 70 lb dog and the vision of me telling this little girl that our dog killed her hamster. Uuuggghhh. To top it off, the friend is going out of town tomorrow.

So everyone in our house this morning was solicited to be part of the search party. Of course no one found the hamster (Have you ever searched for a 2" long fuzz ball that likes to curl up in small, dark places and sleeps during the day?) I finally declared that I had to work and left my husband with all these girls who had given up searching but were still very worried.

I also know my kids and I know that my girls will grow increasingly distressed the longer that the hamster is missing. There are carrots and hamster food all over my kitchen floor cuz the girls want the hamster to come out in the open. There are plans to put the hamster cage in the middle of the kitchen too in the hope that the hamster will want to go home. My girls are planning an all night vigil to capture the hamster when it goes into the cage to eat or sleep or whatever (2 girls who don't sleep all night? Alarm clocks going off all night to make sure they stay awake? Sleep deprivation will lead to a lovely weekend.)

I got a call later in the day letting me know the hamster was found. And yes, we learned something and all that jazz. But the bottom line is that my gut told me "no" and I didn't follow it because I thought I had to have logical reasons. Maybe, just maybe, our parents knew something when they said, "because I said so".

A To-Do List Can Set You Free!

Yes, I'm serious. The dreaded to-do list can actually be the thing that brings you good feelings, peace and freedom. I've been working without a net (no to-do list) the last few weeks, letting myself 'wing it' to make sure I wasn't stifling creativity and to make sure I stayed focused on completing a particular project. So in my mind the only thing on my to do list was the next step in the project.

Seems simple. Seems like it should be really stress free. And there's no dreaded to-do list hanging over my head.

But that's not the way it worked out. Instead I never felt like I had finished my work for the day. I also knew there were other things to do and I was just carrying them around in my head. So now I ended up feeling stressed, unable to write, and rarely feeling good about what I accomplished in my day.

So yesterday I wrote out a to-do list for today - and I already feel great! My creativity came back so I was able to write, I feel great because it's not even 9am and I've checked a few things off the list. I will also know when I'm done for the day and I can feel good about knowing I "did enough".

Bottom line: Having a reasonable to-do list will help you finish off your day and let you know you did the most important things.

Too hot? Too cold?

I enjoy spending time wandering downtown, walking the beach or hanging out at the dog park. Inevitably I will end up chatting with someone for a bit, and it amazes me how many people complain about the Michigan weather. In winter it’s all about how cold it is or “can you believe all this snow”. In summer it’s too hot and humid. What really gets me is the people who complain about both.

So let’s take a closer look at this. These people are unhappy because of the weather. Really, can you change the weather? No. Okay, so what are your choices (remember, you always have a choice)?

* Complain and be miserable
* Enjoy each day for what it is
* Set yourself up to be comfortable in spite of the weather

My daughter hit the nail on the head a few weeks ago. We got in the truck to go somewhere and it was hot from sitting in the sun. She started to complain then looked at me and said, “And in a few months we’ll be complaining because we’re cold. Maybe I should enjoy the heat now.” Bingo! That’s it! Enjoy the experience you are in right now.

A Change in Perspective

I posted this quote on Twitter a couple days ago and it caught on like wild fire. "Your happiness is based entirely on your perspective" ~ Sandy Fowler

Then, as I was walking on the beach with my dog yesterday I noticed I was just racing along, watching the dog to see if this was wearing him out. After all, this trip was all about getting him out of the house and tiring him out. (He's part border collie and was home alone with me all day which adds up to a bored dog with tons of energy.) I had made a point of wrapping up my work and getting him down to the beach to run off some of that excess energy.

Then I stopped. I looked at the beautiful blue water . . . listened to the crashing waves . . . felt the wind . . . and enjoyed the experience. Suddenly everything was different. I'd flipped a switch and was no longer just hurrying through another item on my to-do list, I was enjoying an experience.

That's it - that's all it took to create happiness - a change in perspective.

Doing what you're told

"There are two types of people who never achive very much in their lifetimes. One is the person who won't do what he or she is told to do, and the other is the person who does no more than he or she is told to do." ~ Andrew Carnegie

I saw this quote as I was reading "The Fred Factor" and I started thinking about it in slightly different terms than Mr. Carnegie might have meant it. I was thinking about "success" and "happiness" and all the things we are told help us along that route.

We are told that excercise gives us energy and makes us feel good.
We are told that meditation releases tension and brings creativity.
We are told that eating a healthy diet full of fruits, vegetables and whole grains will leave us energized and healthy.
We are told that setting our priorities and sticking to them lets us do the things we enjoy.
We are told to carefully choose our business coach then do what they tell us.
We are told to complete our business projects and then market them.
We are told . . .

There are lots of things we are told in our lives. Now I don't believe everything I hear, but when I've done any of the things listed above I've gotten great benefit, felt better, done more, made more money or been happier. So why don't we do them? And if we do "the excercise" why do we just do the minimum we are told to do?

This morning I went running. In fact it's the second day in a row that I went running - and I feel energized.

I had a nice healthy whole grain cereal for breakfast - and I feel good.

Now I'm working on completing a business project and starting the marketing - and I am excited.

There are some basic concepts and core ideas that help us live the life we want. We've all seen them but are you doing them? It just might be time to do what you're told.

WAHM & Dads - Itching to play hookey?

Summer is here. The kids are out of school and activities have begun - and my husband's car decided to take a vacation of its own. What craziness! I really think summer is the hardest time of year to work from home. There is no schedule to the family's day, the activities are all over the map, and I just want to go play!

One of my simple solutions to all this mess is . . . leave! I leave the house to work and spend time at the local Panera Bread, library or coffee shop. Actually, this solution works pretty well as far as removing me from their chaos. But it doesn't solve the "Summer Syndrome".

You know about the Summer Syndrome, the sun is shining, the beach is calling you and you can't make your mind stay on your work no matter how hard you try. In fact, it feels a lot like the final days of school when you were a kid.

I've found a few things that help, try them out and see if they work for you (and let me know what you do to stay on track and excited about work in the summer):

1. Reduce expectations. I actually reduce my workload for summer and give myself extra time off to go play and just be with my family.

2. Use a to do list. Each day I have a short list of the vital things that absolutely must get done - and I do those first.

3. Create solitude. I do work out of my house more in the summer. (Get a sitter if you must, trade kid care or coordinate with spouse) I also create blocks of time to have the house to myself (coordinate activities or play dates, let kids visit family).

4. Start a fun project in your work. I like to have a project I'm really excited about to work on in the summer. Having something fun to do gets me interested in starting the work and, once I start, I get absorbed.

5. Buddy up. Get an accountability buddy. Have someone you respect who you can tell your goals and do a check in. It's lot harder to blow off work if you have to face someone and say, "Hey I chose not to do this".

6. Get up early and dive right in. I like to get up early and do work when the house is quiet. This also gives me a leg up and keeps me motivated. When I can stop for breakfast with my family and already have 3 good hours of work done it makes a huge difference in my mindset. (This is where I break the important stuff first rule. I usually do my "thinking" stuff in the wee hourse and leave the more mundane stuff for after everyone wakes up.)

Summer is great and wonderful, and we only get 18 with each kid. Do a little planning and pull out your store of self-discipline. But more importantly, just know that less will get done in work because more will get done for your kids and let yourself enjoy that time. Happy summer!

Why do you want to know?

When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

Usually one of 2 things happens:

#1 They were being nosy or judgmental and this tack requires them to back off. It also helps keep you from being on the defensive and makes it easier to gracefully not answer questions you prefer not to answer, or to give a brief non-committal answer.

#2 More often than not (and more interesting) it makes us focus on someone else and find out what they REALLY want to know. So often when someone asks a question we jump to conclusions and make assumptions about what they want to know and why they're asking. We get uncomfortable and become defensive when in reality they are looking for some help themselves in the way of ideas, information or support. By asking for clarity on what they want to know you will likely be pleasantly surprised - then find that you can really help them.

Techno-twirl

Whew! Just got off a technology twirl and I'm dizzy. Here I am, starting my daily work, when I look up at my computer screen and wonder, "What am I doing and how did I get here?"

Does this ever happen to you? I started my browser to check on a flight and the next thing I know I'm looking at a cool website for creating graphics and website buttons, and there are four applications open and running on my task bar. Huh? Where's the airline? Where's the departure date? Wasn't I planning a flight?

It's a common theme in this world of Twitter and email. You open an email which has a newsletter with a great link for a website that sends you on to a cool tech page with a great app that you just have to tweet. Then you see a great quote that you just have to add to your file and email to a friend and another email catches your eye with a great event so you check your calendar and see that you are supposed to leave for an appointment in 15 minutes! Where did the morning go and why didn't I get anything done?

Actually there are times that I really enjoy my techno-twirl and as I pop from website to website I find really cool stuff (that I remember to bookmark cuz I'll never find it again:). But I've learned to choose the times I let myself go do that. I give myself a set amount of time and just let things flow.

The rest of the time I tell myself what I'm doing and I stick with it (usually) and just to keep things moving in my day, when I'm going into anything that can suck me into the information vortex, I set a time limit, and sometimes a timer. When I start up Twitter, email, etc, I generally have a goal AND a time limit to keep me on track.

Does it work? Most of the time. It certainly saves me countless hours and increases my productivity. But, like I said, there is value in the twirl and I let that happen too.

2 were incredible and 1 was a dud

When I talk to people who are unhappy with their life one common denominator is that they aren't living with passion. I'm not talking about finding "your life's passion" or "living your dreams", I just mean living each moment and doing each thing with feeling. Going along on autopilot, or trying to walk that line down the middle of the road so you don't upset anyone is not a way to really enjoy your life.

Let's face it, not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to agree with you. And if you don't stand up and do things with energy and passion you won't like you either.

I'm sitting in a local coffee shop and listening to one of the owners, Mike, talk about the singer on the radio. Mike has seen him in concert 3 times and is talking about how amazing the show was. He went on about the dancers and the stage set up, then he said something that really caught my attention, "One was a stinker but the other 2 were incredible!" and his whole face was lit up.

Wait a minute - one of the concerts was a bomb, a total dud - but the other 2 were so intense and incredible that they blew the dud away. The singer was doing what he did with total passion and the greatness of that overshadowed any problems that could come up.

Whether you're running a business, raising kids or just living your life, do it with passion! The greatness will overshadow the problems by 100 to 1.

Unfun Choices & Huge Relief

I love the fact that we have control over our lives and what we think and do is our choice. I don't love it so much when I have to make "unfun" choices. It seems like these most often come up in terms of my family and I ran into one this week.

Yesterday I was feeling really frazzled. Yes, it's been a bit busy around the house, but nothing that should be derailing me from my work the way I was. My husband was asking me what he could do to help out and I had no idea so I figured I'd better take a few minutes to think about it. So I walked into my office and it hit me (almost literally as I tripped over all my kids toys :) I had lost my office.

My kids had taken over my office to use it as a "cabin". This means that there were 2 mattresses, dolls, books, pots, pans and all the stuff you need to sustain life in a cabin. This also means I couldn't work in there. Last Monday I thought, "No problem. I'm going to work at Panera today anyway." On Tuesday I thought, "Wow. They're having such a great time, using their imagination and this may be one of the last times they'll create a game like this. After all, they're growing up." On Wednesday I didn't stop long enough to think about it because I was so far behind on my work that I was just whipping around trying to get stuff done in between business calls and kids ortho appointments. By Thursday I was going over the edge and when I walked in the office I saw why. My routine had been interuppted. My space was gone. I didn't have anywhere to go for peace & quiet or inspiration.

It was time to make a choice. Do I put an end to a great game that the kids are enjoying or do I find a way to compromise my needs? Uugghhh! As a mom I have a really hard time putting my needs first. As a business owner I see the value of time and space. So here I am, making an "unfun" choice. I'm not going to tell you what I did, at least not right now. But I will tell you this -- the moment I made the choice, before I even did anything about it, I felt better. And today is a great day.

What do you think I did? What would you do? Lots of interesting possibilities, but it appears that making the choice is the biggest part of this equation.

Rain or Shine - which do you want?

It's been a great spring here in Michigan but it has been pretty wet. Lately I've heard a lot of people complaining about the rain. I spoke to a couple business associates in Traverse City this week and we were all celebrating the fact that we could go sit outside in the sunshine. Yesterday I had a conversation with a business associate in New York and we were talking about how great sunshine is and how much better we feel and more energized we are when the sun is shining.

Today I spoke to a friend in Texas. I made some comment about not wanting to ruin her good mood and her response was, "You couldn't ruin my good mood because it's raining here today". Huh? She's happy because it's raining? Hello....most of the world wishes for continuous sunshine and blue skies and you are thrilled because you have rain.

Yes, she is thrilled to have rain. In fact, she spent time this morning just standing out in it looking up and letting the rain fall on her face, the same way so many of us step out into the sunshine. And the excitement is only getting bigger as everyone in El Paso emails, calls & texts each other, celebrating the rain since it hasn't rained there in over 3 months.

Sometimes we just need something different. Sometimes we just need a change. Rain or shine may not be as relevant as "different". So when you're feeling stuck or bored or stressed, look around and see if it's just time to create some change.

A Movie Moment

You know how we watch a movie and you'll be watching a scene from a short distance away, just seeing people smile and have fun, but not being able to hear them? Those are the scenes that pull at your emotions and make you feel like, "I want that! I want to just be and play and have fun like that."

Well, I lived one of those scenes yesterday. I went to the beach with my girls and our dog. One of my girls was beach combing and drawing in the sand with a stick while the other was skipping and running and playing with the dog. As I stood a little ways back and watched the scene, I experienced that exact feeling we always wish for when we see it in a movie. And then I took a moment to be grateful for it and that magnified the good feelings.

It was an incredible day and I'm glad that not only did I have the opportunity to have fun, but I had the chance to magnify it through vision and gratitude.

Beauty & the Beast of Modern Choice

Pick just the song you love. Listen to your customized tracks. Watch any television show whenever you choose. Drive yourself to and from any place you want to go exactly when you want to go.

The personalization and convenience of modern life is phenomenal.

But I remember buying an album or a cd just to get 1 or 2 songs, and rarely did I not discover more songs I liked. In fact, I often found other songs I liked better than the ones I bought it for.

So I can't help but think that all the convenient, customized, personalization may just be cutton off possibilities.

As we're running through our days, hurrying, and only choosing that which we know we like and are comfortable with, it may be worth our while to choose something new, let in the different, and see the possibilities.

Where did all the inspiration go?

I'm having an interesting experience here. I seem to be in a total logic and logistic mode. I haven't had any inspiration to write which is really strange because I love writing in my blog and posting articles for you guys. I think it's been a week, or even more and it's just not there.

Each day I think, "Okay, something will come tomorrow. It always does". But when tomorrow arrived, nothing came with it; no inspiration, no creative juice.

Of course, the next thing to kick in is questioning and guilt. "Oh my gosh,I'm letting my peeps down. I'm missing out on all the lessons I'm having now. I'm not adding to the blog. I'm not finishing the product for people......"

So today was a day of choice. It was time to take stock and choose my direction. I looked at what's going on and decided that my direction is going to be tying up loose ends and getting systems completed and documented in ReclaimU. Obviously now is not my time to write and create so I'm going into details.

After I chose a direction it was time to take action. Action 1: make a to do list. Action 2: follow the to do list.

I feel better now, the guilt is gone. I miss the creative energy, but it's okay now. It is amazing to me what a difference it makes when we just choose a direction and take action.

Don't be surprised if you don't hear from me for a little while here. I haven't forgotten you and I'm sure I'll have more to share soon.

Getting rid of the Boogey man

Have you experienced fear lately? If you're going after your dreams then I'm sure you've faced some fears, maybe even frozen in your tracks because of them.

I remember lying in my bed when I was little and being afraid. I was already a little kid who was afraid of the dark and I had an older brother and his friends with great imaginations who believed in helping those fears grow.

Needless to say, I went to bed many nights scared, and I knew that if I got out of bed to get my mom the thing under the bed would get me. I knew it was lurking there and I knew how it worked. It couldn't really come out, but rather it had to stick it's nasty arm out to grab me by the ankles. So that meant I could stand on my bed and make a jump for the door and hope I landed far enough away so as to be out of reach.

The other option was to hide completely under the covers because nothing could get through my wonderful blanket. That wasn't so bad unless you like to breath. It gets really hot and stiffling under there after a while. The opportunity to get fresh air is pretty limited because that would cause a breech in my defenses and that thing could stick it's nasty hand up and reach me.

I can still remember lying there, terrified, and not doing anything. The longer I lied there, immobile, the greater the fear grew until I couldn't stand it anymore and I would get up and made the jump for the door. Amazingly, I made it to safety every single time. Not once did that monster manage to put even one scaly, nasty finger on me.

And I've had the same experience as an adult. When there is something scaring me I'll often times face it, examine it, do all the things "they" tell you to do...and I'm still scared. The longer I sit there, the more frightened I become. And every single time the solution has been action. Doing something that can move me past the fear is the only real solutions I've found.

Yes, I'll still examine it and run through all the logic and all the reasons that everything "should" be okay. And that can help somewhat. But the bottom line is that action makes it go away - and I like the fear to be gone. I don't just want the Boogey man to stay under the bed, I want him to GO AWAY! Action does that - it chases the Boogey man far away from me, and that feels good.

Choosing to let it go

I had an interesting experience recently. My husband was working around the house, being productive but looking like a caged tiger. After almost 18 years of marriage I've learned to recognize this restlessness as meaning he needs to get out of the house and either get outdoors or just go someplace with a little less estrogen (he's cooped up here a lot with a wife and 2 daughters - sometimes a guy just needs to be around guys).

Being the omniscient wife and knowing what he needs I ask him what he feels like doing and it turns out that he wants to go to the beer garden. So I drop him off with the very loose plan that he'll probably walk home but he'll call if he gets tired of walking and wants a ride.

I took the girls up to the pool to swim and tried calling him on our way home to see if he wants a ride. He doesn't answer the cell phone so I try again. I'm 0 for 2 on getting an answer so I just let it go.

The girls and I go home and I realize there isn't any dinner cuz my cook is at out with the guys. Hmmm... Okay, girls aren't hungry but I am so I make something and start eating. After getting a bite to eat we wanted to go for a bike ride, but what if hubby needs a ride? Well, 3/4 of the way through my meal he calls for a ride...and I'm annoyed. The embarassing truth is that in the past I would probably have let myself stew in the annoyance, even dredged out everything he's ever done that bothered me and chewed it over. By the end of the evening I would have just been plain old angry. Now, in my enlightened state:) I realize I have a choice. Choice #1 is to figure out why I'm really upset. I ask myself what could be bothering me and then run through each possibility. For each statement I just plain ask myself if he really did anything wrong and does that really bother me.

It turns out that the reason I was annoyed is that I was trapping myself in the house. Since we didn't have a firm plan I didn't want to go bike riding in case he decided to call for a ride. Hmmm... He didn't ask me to wait. He didn't answer his phone when I called. Maybe I can give myself permission to do something I want to do. And maybe I can choose to let go of the irritation.

Where's Your White Space?

I was working on a web page yesterday and looking at the white space, making sure to balance things and guide people's eye around the page so the page is simple, friendly, and fun to look at. Today I'm thinking about our lives and how white space plays out in them.

When your life is frantic and you're running from one activity to the next, you don't have any white space. When your days are full from the time your eyes open until you collapse into bed at night, you don't have any white space. When you see something beautiful and instead of stopping you immediately move faster, you don't have any white space.

What is white space? In print or in art it is the space between items on a page. It is the blank space where nothing is happening. So it seems it would be the same in our lives, it is the space between tasks, pauses in conversation, holes in our calendars. It is the moment when you stop to look at the stars or smell a flower. It is the time when you curl up in a chair and just stare out the window. It's the time where you really breathe, relax, and appreciate.

And we need white space in order to appreciate everything else going on in our lives. We need to pause in the middle of everything, if even for a second, to enjoy what we're doing.

Pondering No pain no gain

I've been thinking about the phrase 'no pain no gain'. I thought I was a person who didn't subscribe to this theory. I thought that I lived my life from a certain comfort zone, at least when it came to physical activity.

I've been married for 17 years and I've watched my husband live those words. Whether he's running, hiking or learning, he is a bit of an 'all or nothing kind' of guy and he pushes himself until it is painful. I've watched him train for all kinds of running races and many times he came home obviously in pain. As he started training for ultra marathons his long runs actually required recovery days. He's run 50 mile trail races where he lost half the skin on the bottom of his feet.

That makes no sense to me, and I don't get any satisfaction out of being in pain, or being incapacitated. But this weekend, at the beach, I found myself pushing it. I found myself taking an extra trip up the sand dunes, walking just a little further or a little faster - and it hit me - I do believe in 'no pain no gain'. I just don't like to push myself to extreme physical limits. But I do enjoy a good solid walk. I enjoy being worn out after a day of hiking or biking. I don't want to be in physical pain, but I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment in knowing I did push it a bit. I enjoy a simple 'tired'.

Well, that's "pain" too. It's just low on the scale. If we're using the standard 1-10 scale, my husband like to push it out to 8 or even 10 periodically (something about pushing the limits and testing himself). I enjoy pushing it to 2 or 3 periodically - a discomfort, something to let me know my muscles got a workout, but nothing horrible or incapacitating.

As I looked around at our lives I realized that this philosophy applies to all aspects of our lives. When we make a phone call that scares us, that is pain. When we learn how to do something new, that can be pain. When we sacrifice the time we would spend doing something we love to market our new business or learn a new software program, that is pain. Every time we move out of our comfort zone, face a fear or make a sacrifice, it is pain.

In order to do something incredible, new and different with our lives, we must push through personal comfort zones, face fears, sacrifice activities or comforts to achieve our goals. When we do this we often push through to 7, 8, or 9 on the scale. Others times we aren't ready for that kind of discomfort so either we do nothing and our lives stay the same, or we push ourselves to 2 or 3 on the scale and make some smaller changes.

And whatever we choose is great as long as it works for us. If you are happy with smaller changes happening in your life then you can stick with a smaller scale of activity, sacrifices and breaking through comfort zones and fears. But if you want big changes, it's time to consider pushing yourself to the high end of the scale for a while so you can reap the rewards.

Baptism in fire

"The firefighters motto is service.

Their values are courage, caring, community , knowledge and physical fitness.
Many are cross-trined to be emergency medical technicians.

They are organized like soldiers, but their war is not against people. Their enemies are fire, destruction, disaster, and human suffereing. As in combat, they eat together, sleep together, train together, and brave danger together. As in combat, they must be able to rely on one another when things go wrong. And, as in combat, they must be able to handle injury and death - to themelvs and others. When they speak of "batism of fire," they're not using metaphor.

Off duty, they play together and socialize together. They hold contests and competitions, combining work skills and fun. They have their awards and commendations - even bands and drill teams. They hone their skills into unconscious habits - until their job requirement and their way of life are one.

Firefighters become part of a larger family - and take car of their own in times of injury, death, and disaster, whether to themselves or to their wives or husbands or children.

What they do for their living gives their lives meaning and purpose and structure - which is something that most of us couldn't say."
an excerpt from From Beginning to End - the Rituals of Our Lives by Robert Fulgham

When I read this page in Mr. Fulgham's book it touched me deeply on several fronts. I wanted to share it with you because I think this is what so many people are searching for - fulfillment and purpose, a structure for the fabric of our life.

I've been there, and I've walked through my own personal fire to get to a life that is good and right for me. I did it largely through trial and error paired with a willingness to walk through the fire.

Face your own fire. Walk through the flames. Be baptised in fire and find the life you know you are meant to live.

Giving is getting

Yesterday I went to the beach with my family. As you know the beach has been a great gift to me. It's a place of inspiration and peace for me. Today was different though. Today was about giving back to the beach.

In honor of earth day my family went to the beach and picked up trash - all those bits and pieces that get left behind after a picnic, all the stuff that floats ashore, and all the balloons that got loose and finally fizzled out here.

I was expecting it to be "work". Yes, we took the whole family, including the dog, but that was more about making sure everyone was doing their part and giving back. The unexpected surprise was the fun we had. It was a beautiful spring day, the sun was shining, and everyone was happy. We just walked and talked, collecting trash on our way. Everyone felt good about what we were doing and it just spilled over.

That's the dichotomy that always seems to be involved in "giving back". No matter what you give, you always seem to get more in return. I love that!

Green Choices

Well, it's Earth Day today so I thought I'd share something a little different. Usually I share things with you that are geared toward choosing how you are living your life and choosing to do things that make you feel happy and fulfilled. The thing is that all the same principles about choice apply to the environment.

I'm not an envirnmental activist. I live in a traditional suburban house, using electricity and natural gas. We mow our lawn (no sheep here:)and drive our cars. I have no intention of trading that in for a yurt and a bicycle. But we do believe in being kind to our environment and have found that we can "clean up our act" by making small, simple choices.

The concepts are the same and the techniques are the same. All you have to do is make a small choice, something that isn't horribly difficutl. Then do that thing over and over until it becomes a habit.

The latest thing we did was composting. I've never quite pulled myself together enough to create a compost pile. I've looked at it, but it always seems to be difficult. You have to balance green stuff and brown stuff, you have to turn it, it has to get up to temperature...it's probably not all that difficult but it just seems too hard to get started. However, my recycling pick-up also takes yard waste, a.k.a. compostable items. So now we throw all our veggie scraps, tea, etc in a little container by the sink then just add it to our yard waste bags. Simple, quick, easy.

There are hundreds of simple, quick and easy choices you can make. And if everyone makes one choice we can have a large impact.

So in honor of earth day I encourage you to make one grean choice today. Something quick, simple and easy like changing one light bulb to compact flourescent or buying an eco-friendly cleaner or dishwasher detergent. One choice, one change, one improvement.

Lessons from the Movies - Prince Caspian

Once again, mice are in the movies to teach us a lesson. Here we are, running through the woods, stopping for a little combat here and there. Our hero is on the run and it isn't looking good for his side.

Suddenly, the brush on the forest floor rustles and one of the bad guys falls to the ground shrieking. One by one the bad guys fall, with no idea what is taking them out. Then, out of the brush emerge . . . mice. It was mice that saved our hero and his 2 helpers from a half dozen soldiers.

Every time one of the mice shows up in a battle, his opponent looks at him in confusion saying, "Why, you're a mouse!" And in that moment the mouse makes a comment and takes out his opponent.

He's just a little guy. His skill is underestimated and everyone comments on him because they can't see the possibilities. They can't see how something so small could be such a big help (or hindrance if you're the enemy).

What are you overlooking? What small thing could make a difference? What little step could take you toward your dreams? What tiny choice could make all the difference? See it. Believe it. Go for it!

Does it really make a difference?

Do you ever wonder if small changes really make a difference? I believe they do, but every once in a while I get a reminder. Today was one of those days. I did something different, just a tiny thing, and every time I caught my reflection it surprised me.

What did I do? I blow dried my bangs down instead of off to the side. That's it. No big deal. It didn't take any extra time. It didn't take any extra effort. There wasn't any big or monumental reason to do it. I don't even know why I did. But the difference is dramatic - it changes the way I look completely. In fact, if I'd tried to buy a bottle of wine I bet I would have gotten carded (okay, wishful thinking but my 44 year old husband got carded recently so I'm grasping at straws:)

So if you don't think little things, little changes don't make a big difference just try it. Style your hair different. Take a different route to work or school. Walk to the store instead of driving. Give the love of your life an unexpected hug or phone call. Anything...just try something different and see if it makes a difference.


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Were you born to stand out?

Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?
-- from the movie What a Girl Wants

Have you fallen into that trap? Are you putting your dreams on hold because it’s so uncomfortable not to fit in? Think about it carefully. Think about your dream. Now ask yourself, “Why am I not creating this?”

If you come up with a list of reasons then I dare you to question them carefully because chances are you’re afraid of not fitting in.

I know what that’s like. When I chose to go after my dreams and started ReclaimU.com, I stopped fitting in. I was doing things differently from the rest of my family. My daily lifestyle didn’t fit in with my neighbors and community. My mindset didn’t match that of my friends. Everything began to change…and it was beautiful!

I’m not saying it was always easy. Fitting in seems like it would be easier. You don’t have to answer a lot of questions about why you’re doing this. People don’t look at you strangely. You don’t stand out in a crowd.

But what if you were meant to? What if you were meant to stand out in a crowd? What if other people learn and discover their own possibilities by asking you questions?

What if the path to your dreams runs right through that discomfort and walking through it is the surest way to get there?

It is your choice. You can keep doing what you’ve been doing. You can keep doing what’s expected of you. You can make sure that you fit in. And you can have all that goes along with it. You can have the same life as those around you. You can have the sadness of abandoning your dream. And you can have the pain of living a life you were not meant to live.

Or you can step out of your comfort zone, stand up and be who you are. You can spread your wings and be who you were meant to be. You can have the thrill of new experiences. And you can have the joy of living a life you were meant to live.

Lesson from the beach - Expectations

I walked on the beach in the morning. It was around 40 degrees and sunny, with a slight wind out of the north. A beautiful, crisp day with enough wind to make soothing waves crash the shore.

As I walked, I thought of hot summer days; wading in the water as I walked the shoreline, splashing in the surf and playing in the sand with my kids. Those are the thoughts most of us have when we talk about going to the beach. A sunny, beautiful afternoon of swimming and picnicking on a gorgeous sandy beach.

But that's not what today was like. Today was cold, and I walked only with my dog. It was more about solitude and reflection that sun and fun. Yet, it was amazing! I enjoyed myself immensely and would happily do it again.

Change can be like that too. We create an image in our mind of the way things "should" be, and often times they just don't happen that way. But if we keep our minds and our hearts open we can find any number of amazing things happening. We may have a solitary 40 degree day rather than an 85 degree day with family, but we can enjoy it just as much, and maybe even more, when we just remain open and grateful.


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Roots and Wings

"There are two lasting bequests we can give our children: One is roots. The other is wings." Hodding Carter, Jr.

This is a beautiful sentiment that captures the bittersweet feelings of parenting so well. I've always loved it but when I read it today I had entirely different thoughts about it.

A couple days ago I was answering questions on an interview and one of the audience members asked if they had what it takes to change their life. I talked to him about the 2 questions you need to ask yourself to know if you're ready for change. Reading this quote this morning dovetailed right into that and I realized that roots and wings are foundational in changing our lives.

We have to have roots. We have to know ourselves, our core values, our basic beliefs, our inner most desires. These are our roots. This is the part of us that never changes.

We must also give our selves wings. Wings are our ideas and dreams. Wings will let us soar, creating beautiful amazing things.

My wish for you today is that you have roots and wings.

[I added onto this post and posted it as an article. You can read the entire article at Choose My Life Now.]